I’m not sure what you expected to see today, but I’m guessing none of the things on this list fall under that category. OK, technically they’re memes and you probably were expecting those, but that’s not the point.
The point is that you’re about to see a lot of unexpected stuff that will knock your socks off. And if you’re not wearing socks, that’s half the battle right there.
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1. Yeah, I didn’t know you could get a scanner-readable tattoo either. But I don’t think this kid thought big enough.
Somewhere out there is a barcode that will make every scanner that reads it talk about butts, and I won’t rest until we’ve found it.
2. Oh man, this was exactly my experience when I played Tony Hawk’s Underground as a young’un.
My guy had a skull for a face, but everybody was so keen to talk to him about skater stuff that they never mentioned it.
How polite of them.
3. I’ll take this person’s word for it. That would explain why they think this won’t straight-up break the toaster.
We probably still won’t have flying cars, but our future will have toasters that will replace the oven. It’ll be like the smartphone of cooking.
4. They always say the perfect crime is the one where you don’t get caught, but this is the real definition.
It turns out the real perfect crime is the one that nobody understands at all. That way, they won’t even know what the clues are.
5. Oh man, I didn’t realize how deep the NSA surveillance really goes here.
At least I’ll get about a second’s worth of smug pride when I rip off my mirror and scream “ah ha!” before I realize there’s just a wall there and I’m stupid.
6. I don’t know how this happened, but it must suck when your stomach becomes way more popular than you.
Those party invites addressed to “Billy’s Stomach and Billy can come too I guess” would get really old really fast.
Why’d it have to look like someone so likeable?
7. OK, how is her description of this horse both weirdly specific and somehow accurate?
Like, if it could talk, it would have definitely asked that baby for a halfpenny by now. At least the horse won’t have to sweep chimneys in this incarnation.
8. I like how this guy has already reached the point where he’s like, “Yup, this is my life now.”
I guess not every injury leaves you with a weird party trick, so I suppose his chill attitude makes sense here.
9. Haha! Oh wow, talk about the gift that keeps on giving.
I wonder, did Alex here find a way to break the news to her grandma, or will she just unknowingly have sexy ornaments for the rest of her life?
10. Anybody who calls their dog a “fur baby” and doesn’t do this just isn’t walking the walk.
I wouldn’t normally care, but this is one of the happiest doggos I’ve ever seen, so this obviously needs to be more of a thing.
11. Wow, I don’t know what Kyle did to deserve this kind of treatment, but it must have been awful.
Whose side I’m on kind of depends on what Kyle did. If he stepped on your tail, it was an accident. Otherwise, it’s completely unforgivable.
12. Haha, wow. This guy obviously wasn’t about to let that little gingerbread man upstage him.
The best part is the star on the top of his tree, which I seriously didn’t notice at first. Can you blame me, though?
13. Awww, look how radiant and graceful he looks in these tasteful photos.
I hope he actually walked into the McDonald’s he got his props from like that, because I think that’s the only way I could love this more.
14. All of you can say what you want, but I think this kid’s just misunderstood.
After all, look at where he decided to do this. He was just thinking of the fact that demons never get field trips and they’d probably really like one.
15. Yikes, if this is how the guy likes his pizza, then I’ve got a real treat for him.
I think I’ve got a bag of charcoal lying around somewhere that I’m not using. That’ll probably feel like the biggest bag of chips he’s ever had.
16. Who among us can say we wouldn’t wear this to class at least once?
Granted, that mask is not staying on for the whole time, but just showing up in this getup is enough to make the point.
Don’t ask me what that point is, though.
17. Yikes, I don’t think there are enough thunder blankets in the world to help this dog on the Fourth of July.
I think the only option at this point is to try and sneak it into the movies. Obviously, not a war movie.
18. I don’t know, this seems like a stretch. I think someone really wants their area to look like ballet Winnie the Pooh.
At least, I assume that’s what our oddly human-footed friend is trying to do here. This picture’s just loaded with unanswered questions.
19. Folks, do yourself a favor and just wait for the next train.
There’s no shame in walking away after you realize you’ve been beaten. Especially if you’re still walking away with both shoes on your feet, unlike this poor soul.
20. Yeah, public bathrooms aren’t really the place to experiment with bold aesthetics.
Unless you want weirdos peeping in through these stunna shade–looking doors, it’s probably best to go with the traditional design here.
Or just cover it with a Jeff Goldblum shower curtain. That works too.
21. You know, it probably would have been more convenient if they just stole the whole car.
That way, the driver can report it and get a new one from their insurance company. I don’t even know if there’s a form for this kind of devilry.
22. Wow, anyone who says, “Oh, and this must be your sister” will actually be surprised when they hear the answer.
I love that because it means they’ll be even less impressed with the guy who’s just saying that to be suave.
23. You know, I’m surprised that whoever made this actually went to the trouble of doing multiple flavors.
I guess that’s pretty smart, in a way. When your original flavor is “salt and potato,” any amount of effort seems amazing.
24. Oh boy, I don’t get any candy and my dashboard is a mess! It’s a two-for-one deal of inconveniences.
It’s too bad the package didn’t melt too, because watching that bear’s smile droop into a frown would just be too perfect.
