In some ways it sounds nice Down Under. After all, it’s where women glow and men chunder, something-something thunder. But in reality, Australia is basically a place that’s trying to murder you at every opportunity.
Sometimes I’m glad I live in a northern climate.
The necessity of checking your shoes for poisonous creatures isn’t unique to Australia (Hello, Arizona!). But it certainly seems a little more prevalent for Aussies, where everything is out to get you and even your own shoes can’t be trusted.
Oh, hello.
Just for a second, think about the most unwelcome animal visitor you could have breaking into your house. At the very worst, it’s, like, a raccoon or something, right? Not in Australia.
Batman?
Bats are pretty cool, and I wish them no ill will. But even regular-sized bats can be a little weird and unnerving. Seeing toddler-sized bats, in broad daylight no less, would make me leave and never come back.
I’ll leave you guys to it.
If the pics in this list are any indication, mortal life-or-death battles between borderline mythical predators are a fairly regular occurrence in Australia. Here we see a python doing quite well against a crocodile.
Welp, time to burn the house down.
So this moth is known as Creatonotos gangis moth. The name isn’t really important. What is important is the necessity of never going to Australia so you never have to risk seeing one of these.
Again: everything wants to kill you.
If you thought this would just be a list of horrifying animals, you’d be mistaken. Because this is Australia, even the pine forests want to murder you. This pinecone comes from Araucaria bidwillii , the bunya pine, and could definitely do some damage.
Usually baby animals are cute.
If you don’t like Australia big wolf spiders, you’re definitely not going to like Australia’s wolf spider with a million babies riding on its back, ready to deploy at a moment’s notice.
Kangaroids.
Remember that video of the guy punching a kangaroo in the face to save his dog? Well, that kangaroo is back, he’s been doing some lifting, and he’s asking about that guy.
Do you want zombie sharks? Because this is how you get zombie sharks.
Yes, that’s a dead great white shark, suspended in formaldehyde in an abandoned wildlife park in Australia. And yes, that’s about the creepiest thing an urban explorer could ever come across.
Oh no.
Remember those itty-bitty baby spiders a few pics back? I guess this is what they look like as toddlers. This is a great way to ensure that the meter reader never tries to check your energy consumption.
Clash of the titans.
It’s pretty cool to see how a redback spider can eat a (pretty big) snake. It’s also nice that the spider is preoccupied with the snake, giving us all a chance to flee.
I can’t see my house from here.
Tumbleweed is common in lots of parts of the world. It’s pretty cool to see a ball of it roll by. In Australia, though, you have to machete your way through it just to reach your front door.
I think I’ll stay inside today.
This house, with its stately bricks and leafy surroundings, could be just about anywhere in the world. The fact that a dinosaur is crawling up the side, however, places it firmly in Australia.
Those poor trees.
I know it’s natural and all that, but I can’t help but feel for these trees. During spider season, they’re full-on enveloped by webs. I’m just glad I wasn’t born a tree.
That thing’s, like, three tarantulas long.
The Redditor who posted a pic of this nightmare spider accompanied it with a reassuring caption that this is one of Australia’s least deadly spiders. That would sound good, but we’re talking about Australian standards of deadliness here.
The nope snake.
It takes a lot for any one snake to stand out as Australia’s most terrifying snake. After all, this is a land of terrifying snakes we’re talking about here. But having three eyes definitely helps.
Even the flies are worse.
I don’t know if they’re worse , exactly, but they definitely seem more plentiful. Consider the fact that this isn’t a decade’s worth of flies stuck on this flypaper. This is what happens in one day.
Again with the apocalyptic snake battles.
I’m assuming snakes occasionally get the W in their battles with Australia’s other monsters, but they’re definitely not undefeated. In the pic above, it was a frog. Now, it’s a toad.
No bathroom should require this sign.
But apparently, in Australia some do. Frankly, if I was visiting a country known for such things, I’d be checking toilets even without the posted sign.
Nothing to see here, officer.
What more can I say then Redditor who discovered it: “Found a wrecked car in the middle of outback Australia and this was in the front seat.”
Follow the leader can sometimes go so very wrong.
Snake bites wire. Snake is electrocuted. Second snake bites first snake. Second snake is also electrocuted.
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They even ring doorbells!
If there was ever a reason to invest in a porch security camera, it’s definitely to check for snakes before answering the doorbell.
You know, maybe just avoid public bathrooms altogether.
Because if there isn’t a snake in the toilet, there may be a possum in the toilet paper dispenser.
Survival tip: don’t touch anything.
This person barely touched a yellow frog and their thumb blew up like a painful balloon.
Even tea parties are terrifying!
Maybe this explains why native Australians seem so laid back about how deadly their country is.
Frogs can do that?
In most places, frogs are cute, hoppy little things. But in Australia, where everything wants everything else dead, frogs are forced to step up their game. This one clearly got the decision in its fight with a snake.
When wasps aren’t so scary anymore…
Why? Because the robber fly is way bigger and will literally attack wasps to suck the guts out of them.
Fun fact: the toads are more dangerous that the python.
Some people also noted that cane toads are notorious for trying to mate with pretty much anything, so that much have been an awkward ride.
Run, run while you still can.
This might be cheating a bit since it’s in the waters off Australia, but close enough. Here we see a dead whale, inflated like the world’s grossest balloon by the gases inside its body. You don’t want to be anywhere nearby when this thing pops.
