If you think things are going badly, take a step back and peruse this list. Turns out, things can be much more awful than they are right now.
There’s a whole world of awfulness out there, and all we can do is be thankful when we’re not subjected to it. Take a taste. It’ll make your current situation seem better.
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“High school bathrooms are already wild enough.”
On one hand, this has a lot more space than your typical cramped bathroom stall, with a personal sink to boot. On the other hand, most typical cramped bathroom stalls at least have a door.
“I’m Allen it.”
If I saw this place, I’d have to go in, just out of a sense of morbid curiosity. I wonder if their signature two-patty, special sauce, pickle and onion burger is called a Big Marc or what.
“Not where headphones go.”
There actually are bone conduction headphones that can be worn off of the ear, but these are clearly just regular earbuds. At least the Photoshop artist got them in the general vicinity of the model’s ears.
“I’m speechless.”
I’m gonna level with you here: I hate superhero movies with a burning passion, so this doesn’t chafe me that much. Still, even a know-nothing like me knows that they got everything on this packaging totally screwed up.
“A speed limit sign posted in a school zone in Georgia.”
It’s nice when road signs are specific, but they also need to be legible. When you take a step back and actually read this sign, it just confuses the issue. Why is 7:45-8:45 am listed twice?
You morons…”
This is pretty funny, but I believe Patrick may, in fact, be the moron here. If your sign could conceivably go upside-down, it’s on you to make it clear which way it’s actually intended to be installed.
“My friend went to a wedding where they had a guy handing out martini olives in a bathtub full of olives.”
I think this might be the best item on the whole list. Who wouldn’t want an olive served from a bathtub by a naked man who’s undressing you with his eyes?
“Zero plastic huh?”
I know we can’t remove plastic from everything, at least not yet. But if you’re going to boast on your packaging about using zero plastic, you’d better make sure that packaging actually contains zero plastic.
“I’ve been waiting for this Tuesday all week. Behold- a friend of a friend’s tramp stamp.”
When it comes to tattoos, everyone should feel free to get what they want, but also accept it when people laugh at their terrible taste in design.
“Q for sQuirrel and V for vio(Gibson)lin.”
When I first saw this, I laughed at the sqQuirrel but thought, “At least violin actually starts with a V.” Well, that may be true and all, but the image definitely doesn’t show any kind of violin.
“Found this gem at my MIL’s house.”
Yeah, this is a blatant rip-off of Kung Fu Panda . That said, don’t sleep on the last knock-off cartoon on the DVD, Ratatouille .
Wait, scratch that. It’s, uh, *Ratatoing.” I wonder if anything on this disc is any good.
“The bones aren’t spread.”
If everyone was built like this, our hands would just be these flappy, rubbery appendages with no rigidity whatsoever. It would be like wearing a big pair of rubber gloves 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
“To the edge of space and no further!”
The thing I don’t get about this off-brand Buzz and Woody is how bad they look. Even if you’re creating a bootleg version, there’s plenty of reference material out there to help make it look decent.
“World’s most helpful error message.”
Yeah, it isn’t helpful at all. But it is honest. Things went wrong, for some reason, and the computer doesn’t know anything more than that. Much better than spitting out an error code that nobody will ever look up.
“Turn rliegfht.”
The instructions start off clear. You’re supposed to turn. The arrow doesn’t specify, and the second word on the asphalt is an absolute mess. For all I know it’s trying to tell the driver to go straight.
“It’s a… a… colored water .”
We all know we’re supposed to stay properly hydrated and knock back eight or more glasses of water every day. That’s what we’re told. We’re also told that this is an aisle of water. Better stock up, I guess.
“Words escape me here on this pool usage…”
If you’re really into sand, but you want that fancy store-bought sand rather than nasty beach sand, but-but you still want to be surrounded by that nasty beach sand, have I ever got the kiddie toy for you.
“An apartment in London that has no front door. Just a set of stairs leading up to a window.”
This is like the real-life embodiment of, “When god closes a door, he opens a window,” and it’s all taking place in a crappy apartment with a purple carpet.
“This supermarket clock.”
This is just kind of a depressing reminder that stores are constantly trying to subtly deceive us by making prices end in .99. Also, I think using this clock to tell time would eventually break your brain.
“Sonic gave me a flavorless slushy.”
This is kind of like a monkey’s paw situation. Like, you wanted a slushie. You got a slushie. Everything should be right, but everything is so very wrong. Then again, maybe some monster actually ordered it this way.
