For the amount of money I’ve spent on beauty products in my lifetime, I could’ve probably put myself through college.
Of course, I would’ve had to live without volumized lashes and poreless skin, but then again, I wouldn’t be thousands of dollars in debt, either. Pros and cons, ya know?
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My point is, I don’t blame people for trying out money-saving shortcuts when it comes to beauty.
Most of them are really dangerous and downright absurd, but I empathize with the desire to save a few bucks, maybe even to put yourself through college.
1. Do not put your mascara in the microwave.
Apparently, if you nuke an old mascara tube for a few seconds, it’ll loosen the dried-out product and allow you to use those remaining molecules inside the tube.
First of all, I can barely microwave a chicken thigh without it sounding like the Fourth of July in my kitchen.
It’s hard enough to get food right with a microwave. One thing at a time, people.
2. What kind of headspace would a person need to be in to try a kitty litter face mask?
This is supposed to be a cheaper alternative to clay masks, which is bizarre, considering a small tub of calcium bentonite clay runs for under $9 on Amazon .
Simply changing your cat’s litter has its own health concerns.
So, uh, I’m not sure why anyone would want to be closer to the stuff than they have to be.
3. Fact: No one wants to shell out money for face primer.
I get it — every other product at Sephora has already drained your bank account.
But now, here we are, using deodorant to mattify our skin.
Obviously, deodorant isn’t formulated for your face.
But if you’re trying to clog your pores and increase your skin’s photosensitivity, then sure, by all means, roll on that lavender-scented face primer.
4. And here we are, back with the microwave again…
Recently, a Twitter hack for cleaning your Beauty Blender in the microwave went viral.
The hack involved placing your sponge in a cup of soapy water before placing it in the microwave.
…Not just tossing it in there willy-nilly like you would a bag of microwavable popcorn.
Twitter’s makeup community lost a lot of a good, respectable Beauty Blenders that week. R.I.P.
5. Turmeric face masks — are they worth it?
While turmeric has a variety of health benefits , there are some precautions I’d probably keep in mind before attempting any DIY turmeric beauty hack.
For example, if you have fair skin, your face may be left with an orange tint.
An Oompa Loompa joke would be too easy here, so I’ll refrain.
Also, you might want to sleep on a towel that evening.
While we’re at it, a turmeric mask won’t help with facial hair either.
At some point, some rumor started circulating that turmeric could help curb excessive facial hair growth in women. Well, thankfully, the Indian Journal of Dermatology stepped in and proved that that was a false claim.
Now, quit wasting turmeric on your face and put it where it belongs — in your food.
6. I found an entire blog post and community of people who use sandpaper to exfoliate, and I am deeply disturbed.
I’m all for finding what works for you. But also, stop. Stop doing this.
Your skin and a mahogany baseboard have absolutely nothing in common.
And contrary to popular belief, more is not better when it comes to exfoliation. When you exfoliate with something that’s too rough, you can actually damage blood vessels beneath your skin.
7. #TBT to eighth grade, when black permanent marker was a genius hack for chipped nails.
Although, I was pretty emo back then, so this look may have actually complimented my Green Day hoodie and checkered skateboard shoes.
Ultimately, the time you save with a marker isn’t the worth the final outcome.
And that’s largely because the final outcome tends to look worse than your chipped nail polish did beforehand.
8. This DIY Oreo mascara hack was really difficult to watch because WHO WASTES OREOS LIKE THAT?!
Not only does this hack not work , but according to one YouTube commenter, it totally freaked out the good folks at Nabisco.
“I just called Nabisco (the company that makes Oreos) and asked if your DIY was safe,” wrote the commenter.
“They were literally so appalled that someone would even advise people to do this,” added the user.
You and me both, Nabisco.
9. Melting your eyeliner is all fun and games until you burn a hole through your eyelid.
Sorry, I got a bit dramatic there. But for the love of un-torched eyelids, please allow your melted eyeliner pencil to cool before using it.
Learn from the mistakes of those who have gone before you.
10. Few things in life are as satisfying as removing gunk from your pores.
So, it comes as little surprise that this dental floss blackhead removal hack started trending on Instagram.
Beware, however, because you could end up irritating your skin if you apply too much pressure.
Plus, stripping away a layer of your skin can increase its sensitivity to the sun.
11. If you want to soften your hair, you’ve got to scramble a few eggs.
Not actually, but that is what’s happened to a number of people who’ve tried egg hair masks.
“When I got in the shower to rinse it off, the water was too hot and it cooked the egg in my hair,” says one Reddit user.
“I had bits of scrambled egg in my hair for 3 days,” they added.
Grrrreat .
12. People are really out there using Crayola colored pencils as eyeliner.
Why? Because we all belong on Extreme Cheapskates , that’s why.
To be fair, makeup can be crazy expensive, but that doesn’t make art supplies a reasonable or safe alternative.
According to a statement from Crayola on the trend, their pencils “are not designed, tested, or approved for this purpose.”
You hear that? Now, give your little sister her colored pencils back.
13. Hey, guys, wasabi won’t heal your pimples, but it does taste great on a fresh avocado roll.
First of all, there are also no studies that prove wasabi has anti-inflammatory properties.
To make matters worse, wasabi can actually burn your face if you leave it on for too long.
At the end of the day, you’re just wasting good wasabi that could’ve been on an avocado roll.
Which brings me to another misleading acne hack: toothpaste.
Stop putting toothpaste on your blemishes, too.
It can cause more inflammation, redness, scarring, and it’s pricey enough as it is to not waste it on something like your skin instead of using it for, you know, your teeth.
14. Annnd we’re back to Sharpies with this eyeliner hack.
Stop trying to make Sharpie beauty happen, OK? It’s not going to happen!!!
Based on the stench of Sharpies alone, you can tell that they contain various alcohol compounds .
And that’s probably why anyone who’s ever tried Sharpie eyeliner has felt a burning sensation in their eyes.
Not sure why I have to say this at all, but something tells me that I do: Burning = bad.
15. In no version of reality is busting open a glow stick to create DIY glow-in-the dark nail polish safe.
As a general rule, I try to avoid letting glowing substances touch any part of my body.
Something about a glowing substance screams CHEMICALS and TOXICITY, but hey, maybe I’m being dramatic.
JK, I’m definitely not being dramatic. Glow sticks contain corrosive elements — THAT MEANS IT BURNS YOUR SKIN, GUYS.
16. I know washing your hair is annoying — trust me. But baking soda is not the answer.
While it’s true that baking soda is one of those miracle pantry items that can clean a multitude of things naturally, your hair isn’t one of them.
All it’s going to do is dry it out, make it brittle, and irritate your scalp . There’s a reason why it’s a popular drain clearing hack.
17. Lemme ask you this: What do you think will happen when you put lemon juice on your face?
Did you really think it was going to lighten your skin? Or did you suspect that it would burn and sting your sensitive skin, and make you more susceptible to UV rays and pigmentation?
18. Makeup is already so expensive, but adding a setting spray to your shopping bag may just put you over the financial tipping point.
But you know what doesn’t double for a setting spray? Hairspray. In fact, hairspray has harsh, drying, and sticky ingredients, which makes it ideal for holding hair in place.
It’s sticky, people!
Unless you want your eyelashes sticking together and your face feeling like the outside of a candy apple, don’t use hairspray to set your makeup.
19. I hear some people are putting Vaseline on their eyelashes.
Why? To make them look longer and fuller, apparently. Except all it really accomplishes is clogging your pores and potentially giving you an eye infection. Oh, also, it’ll probably blur your vision.
20. A cinnamon face mask *sounds* lovely, doesn’t it?
It’s like a face full of Christmas, right? Except it’ll burn your skin. It’s also a pretty lousy way to find out that you’re actually allergic to cinnamon.
21. Repeat after me: Rubbing alcohol is not an effective toner.
Will rubbing alcohol tighten your skin? Sure. Will rubbing alcohol lift all traces of oil from your face? Yep.
Will rubbing alcohol suck all the moisture from your skin leaving it tight, dry, and irritated, and cause your epidermis to produce even more oil? Without a doubt.
22. I don’t know how to break this to you, but coconut oil is not the cure-all you think it is.
I often think of coconut oil and how it’s perceived in wellness circles today as Windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding where the bride’s father thinks it cures everything.
Use it for cooking, moisturizing your super dry body bits and your hair.
But keep it off your face. Unless you really want to clog your pores and breakout.
23. People are using the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser on their skin now, which means I am officially done.
The Magic Eraser is great for shower grime, bathtub rust, and… touching up your self-tanner?
I’m not so sure about that last one.
You probably shouldn’t use household cleaning products on your skin. Just speculating here.
Needless to say, I don’t endorse any of these hacks.
What the worst beauty hack you’ve ever tried? Tell us in the COMMENTS!
