As the world slowly begins to lose its mind in the face of the coronavirus pandemic, it is important to remain calm during these turbulent times of being stuck inside.
However, being stuck inside all day really helps to expose the everyday insanity of the world that we live in. Whether you’re still under the delusion that this is a normal world, or just want further proof of the insanity of the society we live in, then here are 12+ tweets that really prove that we live in a topsy turvy world!
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Also, I will be detailing the rise of the apocalypse’s number one rock band, because someone needs to tell their story… and what a story it is.
Texas Sex Shops
Sex toys are absolutely an essential item! Also, on an unrelated note, I will indeed be starting a new punk band called “Texas Sex Shops” while I spend my time in quarantine. My cat and dog will be the other participants, however unwilling.
Apocalypse Anthems
If no one else will do it, then my new band Texas Sex Shop will happily write and record the anthem of the apocalypse over the next few days.
Whimsical Blisters Of Plague
Sorry, Texas Sex Shop has been disbanded, we are now Whimsical Blisters Of Plague, stay tuned for our debut death-core album.
Hard Pants
Look, he’s not wrong. Have you tried wearing jeans again since living in your sweats for a few days? It’s like wearing chain mail.
Also, strangely enough, Whimsical Blisters Of Plague’s signature look is actually chain mail assless chaps!
It All Makes Sense Now
One thing is for certain, Whimsical Blisters Of Plague will have the freshest look, think Flock of Seagulls meets Reel Big Fish.
What A Waste
Someone pointed out how much of a shame this was because food deliveries that haven’t been used as a sycophantic way to gain internet points have no nutritional value.
Tell you what will have nutritional value, Whimsical Blisters Of Plague’s first single, “Hot Damn I Need Some Vitamin D (Can The Sun Please Come Inside For A Bit?)”
It’s All Your Fault!
Also, just a heads up, catholic mother’s will probably not like Whimsical Blisters Of Plague, as they’re very edgy, like, super edgy.
For Obama
Funnily enough, did you also know that Whimsical Blisters Of Plague wrote a song for Obama’s first presidential campaign? Well, they didn’t, but it would have been sick if they did.
Right In The Wonkas
I mean, I hate it so much, yet there is so much logic in this that I can’t help but think that “Wonkas” should be the new medical term.
“Right In The Wonkas” will also feature as a B-side to “Hot Damn I Need Some Vitamin D (Can The Sun Please Come Inside For A Bit?)”.
She Wishes!
Maybe she’s born with it? Or, just maybe, she was inspired to become her best self after listening to Whimsical Blisters Of Plague’s self-help-punk-folk album, “Songs For Hating Yourself To (Because You Suck And Wear Sweats All Day, But That’s Actually Okay)”.
“Cognitive Dissonance”
Expect these kind of political messages and more in the Whimsical Blisters Of Plague’s upcoming music video for “I Was Saying Boo-urns… To Capitalism!”
At Risk
I guess that being dead is actually a pretty serious underlying condition if you think about it. Try putting some headphones on him and playing Whimsical Blisters Of Plague, that’ll get his heart racing again!
Do A Sport
In fairness, I would like anyone to do a sport just so that I can stop gambling on things like the weather. It will also get me to stop talking about Whimsical Blisters Of Plague which is all my mind can think about now.
It’s All A Game
And they called me “sad” for spending all of those days on Fallout 3! Well, who knows how to craft a Mole Rat Repellant Stick now you fools! Whimsical Blisters Of Plague’s drummer will also use them as drumsticks so that they can rock on into the end of days, un-blighted by giant rodents.
Panic Stations
If you don’t possess an army uniform, then you can also instil fear into your neighbors by blasting Whimsical Blisters Of Plague through the walls, as NME described them as “Too hot for this apocalypse to handle!!!”
I’m So Broke Right Now Otherwise I’d Totally Help Out!
“Oh, wait, you’re doing what? You’re giving money to billionaires? Oh, you know what, I think I can afford to dip into my savings a bit!”
This is actually a lyric from Whimsical Blisters Of Plague’s 17-minute political ballad, tentatively titled, “Obligatory Political Punk Song #1,342,678”.
It’s Not Panic Buying!
I particularly resent it when people look at me buying four crates of beer and judge me for panic buying and not judging me for my long-serving alcohol problem… a problem brought on by the constant stress of running the No.1 apocalypse band Whimsical Blisters Of Plague.
Be Useful For Once!
Are you also sick of seeing celebrities pretending like they’re in the same boat as all of us just because they can sing songs in their mansions? Because I sure as hell am, so why not listen to Whimsical Blisters Of Plague instead? They can’t sing or play, but their hearts are in it!
Did You Know?
I wish someone would pay Whimsical Blisters Of Plague $400k for a gig. They won’t even let us play for free sometimes, but I just tell the band it’s because the world isn’t ready yet.
Role Reversal
Why not try and recapture some of the anarchic spirit of your youth by listening to Whimsical Blisters Of Plague, they’re like if Nirvana really sucked!
