When our friends and family reach the time in their lives when they’re ready to bring children into the world, they usually get thrown a little shin-dig for their soon-to-be baby. Baby showers are something that many expecting mothers look forward to because you end up with endless love and gifts from those who mean the most to you.
There are a lot of different traditions for baby showers.
In the past, they were usually women-only events where the mom-to-be’s closest friends and family would celebrate the new arrival, play baby-themed games, and buy presents.
Nowadays, most expecting parents create a gift registry ahead of their new arrival’s birth to let friends and family know what they actually want and need.
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Let’s be real: one of the best parts about planning for your new baby is creating the registry.
For any big moment such as new babies and weddings, we can’t deny that creating the registry is the most fun. You get to pick out everything you want and other people get to buy it for you. What could be better?!?
Registries, however, can get quite expensive.
Many people register for the expensive things that they don’t feel like buying themselves. When it comes to babies, this could be things like strollers, high-chairs, cribs, and all of those other “big ticket” items that are high in price.
Some people opt to buy from the registry, while others go off the grid.
When going to the baby shower, some people decide to stick to the registry while others decide to do their own, unique present. Sometimes, people who don’t even go to the baby shower end up purchasing something from the registry, too.
However, not everyone believes that they need to buy something for the parents if they weren’t invited to the shower.
Some people feel that if they were not included in invites to the baby shower, they don’t have to buy a gift for the baby and soon-to-be mother. Others, however, disagree.
When it comes to gift registries, there are usually certain etiquette rules.
One person recently wrote into the popular Reddit subreddit, Am I The Asshole asking if they were wrong for not purchasing a gift for their sister-in-law’s baby shower when, in fact, they were not invited to the event.
The Reddit user explained that they were not invited to the baby shower, however, their brother sent the registry to them anyway.
“Brother’s wife (SIL) is pregnant with their first child and had a baby shower over the weekend. I was not invited to the shower but my brother sent me a gift registry. I didn’t buy anything because I’m not invited so why should I buy a gift?” she asked.
Their sister-in-law ended up confronting them about not purchasing a gift.
“My SIL asked me what I got for her on [Monday] after the shower and I said I’m not getting anything. She teared up and asked me why. I simply said that I was not invited so I didn’t think I [needed] to buy a gift. I did buy a ‘congrats on your baby’ card for them,” she added.
The user’s brother and sister-in-law were less than happy about this decision to not buy a gift from the registry.
“My brother is angry at me and my SIL is apparently really upset. SIL and I don’t get along at all so they think I am doing this to be rude and retaliatory. I think its rude to not invite guests to your baby shower but still expect them to get you a gift.
“My brother says I’m immediate family so the etiquette rules don’t apply and I should not have said it so bluntly to his wife’s face. I said I’m happy for him and his wife but I’m not getting a gift for them. Then I hung up,” they said.
People online decided that this person was completely “not the asshole,” because the brother and SIL didn’t think they were important enough to invite to the shower.
“She doesn’t like you enough to invite you to the shower but does like you enough to take your money? I can’t even believe the cheek,” one person wrote.
“It’s rude as hell to not invite someone to a party and still expect them to buy you a gift,” someone else added.
Many Reddit users agreed that presents should come from a place of love, not out of expectation.
“[OP] is not attached to that event. They’re attached to the wider event of being the babe’s family, which when it’s a first baby it’s not uncommon to be gearing up to get and do stuff with/for them, but that’s out of excitement and graciousness, not expectation,” another person commented.
Others compared the situation to similar events where gifts are exchanged.
“It’s the same thing as not inviting someone to a birthday party, but still expecting a gift. Not to mention how rude it is [to] assume someone’s going to buy you a gift,” said one user.
The original poster did update the post with a few clarifying comments.
She added that she didn’t have the best relationship with her sister-in-law, but would have purchased a gift if she had been invited to the party.
“Just wanted to add that if they had invited me I would have attended and bought a gift. They didn’t so I don’t see why they would expect me to get them a gift,” she said
One person on Reddit even pointed out that it’s ridiculous for the expecting parents to be mad at all.
“Even ignoring all context, they’re mad at you for not getting them a gift. That’s not reasonable in the slightest.
“They expect you to get a gift, yet don’t think you’re good enough for their shower? You’re amazing for not feeling insulted or getting mad at that in the first place, and they have no right to be mad at you,” they wrote.
What do you think? Are gifts mandatory even if you weren’t invited to the shower?