After a hard or stressful day, it can be easy for your brain to just give up. Personally, it’s like I have a reservoir that holds my ability to think, and once that reservoir drains, then my IQ drops about 40 points. What I’m trying to say is, I have to work really hard to effectively allocate my thinking power. That dumb thing you heard me say earlier? That was completely intentional, otherwise I wouldn’t remember how to drive my car home. It’s all about balance.
Here are some people that understand the struggle of thinking things through.
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1. Sometimes, drinking can lead to some poor decisions.
Personally, I don’t think that’s the case here, but the buyer seems a bit remorseful. Hopefully, they have adequate goat accommodation quarters.
2. If the wedding in Cana has taught me anything, it’s that Jesus is super clutch.
He was deffo watching your back here, because you were saved at the last minute.
3. I’m curious as to how she thinks a bakery works.
Does she just assume that they burn hotter than the fires of hell at all times? Has that never seemed strange to her at all?
4. I guess that’s one way to celebrate.
It’s no secret that family traditions can get a little weird sometimes. I’m really hoping that he just clicked “tweet” a little prematurely, though.
5. They said photographer, not photoshopper.
The two aren’t mutually exclusive, and it’s pretty crazy to shell out that kind of cash without checking out a portfolio or something first. Who’s really to blame here?
6. If the growth doesn’t kill her, the embarrassment certainly will.
At least she’s extended her reach. Maybe there’s a doctor on her friend list that could help the poor girl out.
7. They probably just lost the Allen key that came with it.
Ikea instructions are getting super evolved these days. You can’t even quickly assemble a sofa without things getting out of hand.
8. The defeat in this guy’s posture speaks volumes.
It’s the same stance my dad took after my public school principal confronted him about my future. “Sir, you’ll be lucky if your daughter finds a career where she remains clothed.”
9. This isn’t Tinder, get back to work.
He’s not FaceTiming his call in, Jessica. Unless asking people to confirm their billing PIN is your go-to pick up line, you’re coming off a bit desperate.
10. Was he single?
You should’ve just checked for a ring while his hand was that close to your face. Maybe you could’ve played it off as a cute flirting tactic and snagged yourself a dentist.
11. Next time, just own it.
You’re in a bathroom stall, you’re not hurting anybody. Walk out there and leave with confidence, girls respect that. Or check the sign on the door next time, whatever.
12. Sometimes it’s worth the extra couple of seconds it takes to look around at the buttons.
That way you’ll end up with a defrosted car instead of looking like Olaf from Frozen .
13. I like to think maybe that’s just his legal name.
His parents couldn’t have predicted this, and now he’s got some strange obligation to the world that he never asked for. Let’s go easy on him.
14. Overshare much?
Just another argument against the whole Instagram moment at dinner. Keep it on your plate so you can actually taste it!
15. This is worse than that moon-headed Mac Tonight guy.
I mean, even if nobody recognizes an EKG of a heart undergoing a serious episode, it’s probably best not to remind your customers of their cardiac health whatsoever when you’re packing the saturated fats and sodium into them.
16. At least it’s not as bad as eating Tide Pods.
But it also begs the question of why exactly you need to flatten your money? Isn’t it worth just as much if it has a crease or two in it?
17. One of these things is not like the other.
And anybody searching those hashtags is going to be mighty confused when this post comes up. I hope that’s the worst of it.
18. One of these things just doesn’t belong.
I forget, is a lung full of tar better for germs or worse? Like, do the cold and flu viruses stick to the tar or do they slide right off?
19. No no, that’s fountains, not jet engines.
Tossing coins into a jet engine for luck will only deliver on that luck if you’re hoping not to have to take a trip that day and prevent a couple of hundred other people from taking their trip as well.
20. If you leave it in there long enough, you’ll be okay.
The saliva will moisten the cardboard and it’ll dissolve in your mouth. I know this because of…uh, something someone else did once.
21. You know, there is some internal logic to this post.
Not that IQ tests are worth much in general, but 79 is not the kind of score you brag about.
But it’s easy to see why they got that score if they’re confusing the percentiles like that.
22. I’m definitely saying “Nay” to this whip.
She looks more contorted than a game of Twister at a swingers meetup. Here’s to hoping that everything realigned okay and she didn’t end up with a stanky leg.
23. Who wants to tell him?
Maybe it was the J that threw him off? That’s all I’ve got.
24. I wonder if she tried turning it off again and on again.
Hopefully she got the extended warranty, because I don’t think they’re gonna believe that this was a manufacturer’s defect.
25. This is an excellent argument in favor of indoor cats.
Honestly, at what point do you a) stop letting the cats out, or b) stop adopting cats??
26. It’s a-bad.
The idea gets an ‘A’ but the execution, not so much. And considering how much work the artist must have put into it, yikes.
