Ah, Kyle.
I guarantee if we all closed our eyes right now and thought about the worst person we know whose name was Kyle, we’d all be picturing the exact same guy, wearing a white tank top with a buzzed haircut.
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Kyle is 27 years old and has serious anger issues and drinks Monster Energy like it’s water and drives a two-door Honda Civic that may or may not light up on the bottom. Trust me, I’ve met my fair share of Kyles.
If you or someone you love has also been affected by a dude named Kyle, I suggest you take a look at these tweets. While they may not be able to solve all your problems, they’ll at least remind you that you’re not alone in this world. We all know Kyle. And we hate him too.
Kyles don’t get cold.
They have so much Monster Energy coursing through their veins that it’s physically impossible for them to feel anything at all.
This sums up every interaction I’ve ever had with a Kyle.
Kyle:
Me: stop it .
We’re about to crack this case.
I know this list is all about Kyles but guys named Evan deserve their own list too. Don’t even get me started on Evan.
It’s like the official “Kyle” uniform.
They never fit and they’re always dirty. And it doesn’t matter how terrible they are — if Kyle needs to make a break for it, he’s going to try and run in these things like they’re damn Nikes.
Kyle is an immediate left-swipe.
Trust me, you do not need Kyle from Tinder in your life.
Every Kyle’s calling card.
If your name is Kyle and you’ve never punched a hole in the wall, then you better start now because you’ve got a lot of catching up to do.
Kyle does not care.
He and his friends spend every Friday night in his dad’s unfinished basement, putting more holes in the walls and listening to Eminem while they eat cold McDonald’s.
Feel free to join them.
Speaking of Eminem…
You can’t get them going like that, Em. That’s like their trigger phrase.
That’s how they all begin.
Their skin soaks up all that Monster Energy and they gradually grow into the terrible, avoid-at-all-cost Kyles we know and hate.
Just *why*?
Every single Kyle I’ve ever met has only ever reminded me why I don’t associate with anyone named Kyle.
Tastes like Xbox and making your teachers cry.
Oh, I could go on. This fluorescent green ice cream probably tastes like:
Old English font chest tattoos
Snapback hats
Silver chains
Fast and Furious movies
Taco Bell
iPhone 6 with a broken screen
