It’s good to have standards in life, and nowhere is this more true than in the dating world . After all, if you’re single, there are literally billions of potential mates out there , so it’s necessary to have standards, if only to weed out some of the candidates.
Whether you call them standards, red flags or dealbreakers, we all likely have a few when it comes to dating. This r/AskReddit thread has a few more suggestions.
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Optimists always being all happy and stuff.
“People who are constantly pessimistic. I don’t mean that you have to pretend that everything is perfect and we live in a utopian paradise, but if your first reaction to me telling you ‘I think this lake looks beautiful!’ is ‘Well, sadly it won’t be here much longer because of global warming. Fun, am I right?’, then sorry, I’m out.”
No one thinks jealousy is a turn-on.
“I had a dude I HADN’T EVEN MET YET get jealous of a guy I had one date with and accused me of lying about him being in my house. And he also got jealous because I said I admired Steve-O’s sobriety journey and thought he was a cool dude. It was insane.”
Just stand for something, anything.
“Someone who doesn’t believe in… anything. No passions, no interests, no stances on issues, just molding themselves to whatever they think I want to hear.
That’s a person who A. Will be codependent because they’ve not developed a sense of self & will rely on me for all mental stimulation. Or B. A person who’s secretly got [lousy] views or toxic habits and is concealing them to try and get me invested.”
First rule: be a decent person.
“Petty meanness and dickishness. Spoiled adults who expect everyone in the service industry to kiss the ground they walk on. Who are snide to others. Who have something to prove all the time. Who regularly fail at life’s empathy checks. It’s pretty much the worst type of person imo.”
It’s one date, not a marriage proposal.
“Getting too clingy too quick. We’ve been talking for 2 days mate, don’t call me babe yet.”
“I hate when they break out the pet names before we’ve even met in person. We’ve been talking for two days, dude.”
Leave the drama at improv class.
“Drama. At this point I’ve been through too much and value my peace way more than I value someone I’ve just met’s feelings.”
“You need to find someone that, unprompted, tells you how much they hate drama. Because they never have drama in their lives.”
It’s kind of a red flag.
“Me paying for everything, all the time.”
“Per the train wreck I encountered last week.
‘If a man isn’t paying, he doesn’t respect you.’
She also complained about people wanting too little and too much sex being a problem in modern dating, but would not clarify with numerical examples. You were just supposed to know if you were being not sexual enough or too sexual.”
If you’re this busy, it’s time to put dating on hold for awhile.
“Being clearly unable to have time to develop a relationship. We all have jobs, hobbies and a social life. If you can’t administrate your time to make an effort into getting involved with me, I will walk out of your life really quickly.”
Neediness is never sexy.
“Having to constantly message and call because they want to be a part of your life every second. Even while working. Oh God.”
“Also very important to communicate expectations and boundaries on communication. People communicate differently, and these differences can and usually will cause issues if they themselves aren’t communicated clearly.”
Clear things up.
“Inconsistency in behaviours and words. Nothing tires me out like people who are not clear in their intentions. I’m not going to navigate in troubled waters, when I can swim in clear ones.”
“This one resonated with me. It can create quite a blurry identity of the true character of your partner.”
There are fun games, and then there are mind games.
“Mind games. If you still want to do that in your 20’s or 30’s you are not mentally old enough to be with me.”
“Right? If you’re playing hard to get don’t be surprised I assume you’re not interested.”
– u/tyno75
Does his wife really like it, though?
“I went on a hiking trip with a friend who didn’t wear deodorant, he told us his wife liked his B.O. Before we headed home we forced him to put some on. We were like ‘yeahhhh we’re not your wife.'”
If they don’t want ’em, they don’t want ’em.
“As someone who doesn’t want children, dating someone who does is a dealbreaker. Suffered a couple broken hearts over having to make this decision…”
“This is so important! And, to add, believe someone when they say they don’t want kids . Don’t take it to mean that they don’t want them right now, or any time soon. If they firmly don’t want children, that’s not likely to change.”
– u/pspisy
You can’t spend your whole relationship trying to mend a person.
“Using their mental illness as part of their identity. No attempt to truly address it and leverage their illness to guilt others.”
“Its hard to be with somebody who needs you to uplift them all the time and if you have a weak moment you’re instantly the jerk who has to make it up. You eventually end up with no self esteem just living as an emotional support partner who probably isn’t getting much emotional investment in return.”
Flat earther was the first red flag.
“I just recently dated a flat earther! Didn’t find out until a few months in. Also didn’t find out about his ex being pregnant with his baby several months in, that was the dealbreaker for me but I should have stopped at flat earther.”
Pro tip: people aren’t clay.
“I dated a guy who saw me as a lump of clay he could mold to his liking. I told him repeatedly that I was uninterested in attending grad school despite getting great fellowships because I got the job I thought I needed graduate school for. He sat me down and told me he could leverage some of his connections to get me into a good program, I told him absolutely not and that I didn’t need his help, that I had gotten into good programs, and he ignored me and just kept on with his pitch. I broke things off directly after this and he vetoed and said he didn’t agree so we were still together. Blocked him fully.”
Not just dental hygiene, either.
“Not brushing your teeth / poor dental hygiene on a regular basis.”
“My girlfriend would always tell people in an amazed voice that I floss everyday when we first started dating. It was a huge selling point for her.”
– u/AdGeHa
Just take charge now and then.
“They don’t initiate ANYTHING such as dates or intimacy.”
“I’d be understanding if they were inexperienced, shy and anxious. One of those situations where you have to talk to them and initiate. Help them open up.”
Go fix yourself.
“A ‘fix me’ person. I will support you to be your best. But I am not responsible to fix you.”
“I think what’s even worse is when they treat you like you’re the fix-me-up. It’s very condescending and humiliating. That’s more of a pet relationship.”
Nothing says you’re over your ex like dwelling on your ex.
“The date being obsessed with themselves or continually talking about their ex partners.”
“Went on a date many years ago. This was one of my first dates after my wife left me. On this date the woman kept asking about my ex. Probably half of her questions were about the ex. Naturally I answered her questions but always tried to move the conversation back to me, her, whatever. Next day she texts and says she didn’t think I was ready to date, that I was clearly still in love with my ex because I kept talking about her on our date.”
