A lot of parents preach a philosophy that’s based on tough love. They feel as if they need to harden their children’s hearts to the harsh realities of the world.
More often than not, this ends up blowing up in their faces. Have a look below and check out these 15 people who have opened up on how “tough love” both helped and hurt them.
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If the only thing keeping you from doing something “wrong” is a fear of reprisal — are you really that “good”?
“I believe it shaped me into a respectful young woman, who respects her elders, people in general, and knows right from wrong.” – Reddit u/unknown
A door is a privilege, not a right.
Reddit user JoNightshade recalls getting in an argument with their father and running upstairs in order to slam the door of their bedroom shut. Five minutes later, their dad came upstairs and took the door off the hinges.
Needless to say, the door-slamming stopped from that day on.
Those who never received tough love wished that they had.
“I am the result of parents who were too overindulgent. Now that I’m a mom I plan on raising my daughter with thicker skin and a better work ethic. I was so spoiled and I resent my parents for it. I wish they made me work for things.” – Reddit u/Send_paramedics
What’s the definition of “gas lighting”?
When Reddit user StillJustLyoka became an adult, her mother told her that the reason for all the tough love was completely her own fault. That perhaps, if she hadn’t behaved like an entitled spoiled brat, that life would’ve been easier for her.
This Redditor’s own father called the police after he was caught playing with fire.
“After they made sure the fire was actually out dad let them scare the crap out of me by calling me out in front of everybody! This happened on a military base no less…yes I learned my lesson.” – Reddit u/dreamstones2
How could you ever learn to trust anyone?
Reddit user sweetprince686 said that her mother used to accuse her of trying to get attention whenever she would cry. At the time, the girl was only 5-years-old. She wasn’t allowed to touch anything in the house and was regularly screamed at for trivial things like playing games.
Should we really be teaching children to ignore their pain?
“My dad was all for tough love and my mother was the opposite. I think it taught me critical lessons on knowing when to let go and when to pick my battles. I think one of the most important things is it teaches you to ignore pain.” – Reddit u/Willhardt_Foolhardy
When you can’t even tell your parents good news, there’s a problem.
“My parents can’t take it when I have good news and I know they’ll just make me feel stupid about it, but I got into an awesome college and I got a 12,000 dollar scholarship. Anytime I say anything good they just turn it around and make me feel horrible instead.” – Reddit u/Stressedloser1
You just never knew what to expect.
“Although it wasn’t strictly tough love. It was sometimes cruel, sometimes kind. I never really knew which it was going to be on any given day. I just made a point to avoid being at home.” – Reddit u/HumanoidRobot
That’ll teach you to laugh at me.
When I was 10-years-old, my mom and I got in a terrible argument. In order to piss her off, I laughed right in her face — which caused her to slap me as hard as she could right across the mouth.
I definitely never laughed at my mother ever again.
The strong silent type.
“My dad was old school. Never allowed us kids to see him get emotional. That aside, he was an exemplary father, but when I had a kid I made it a point to be more open about what I was feeling than my dad ever was.” – Reddit u/gogojack
“It helped in how disciplined it made me but hindered my self confidence and my mental health overall.” – Reddit u/cutiepanda200
What is self-discipline without self-confidence? If you make your bed every morning, only to rip off the sheets time and time again for fear that you haven’t lived up to this impossible standard of perfection, what have you gained?
Do you think their could be a correlation?
“I wet the bed until I turned 14, which coincidentally is around the age my mom stopped spanking me. But by that point I had little clue as to how normal, not stressed out children acted and already had a set in stone identity as that one kid.” – Reddit u/hear4help
“It helped my personal growth at the expense of my relationship with my parents.” – Reddit u/fjsgk
I suppose, on the one hand, you have something to be thankful for. But I would argue that this Reddit user turned a negative into a positive and became a good person in spite of their parents — not because of them.
Denial just makes it worse.
“I think the guilt and horror of coming to terms with “being a bad mom” is too much and it’s just easier to turn a blind eye to it all. Needless to say, it does nothing to restore those damaged relationships when she refuses to admit that she ever did anything wrong.” – Reddit u/StillJustLyoka
h/t: Reddit
