In addition to kids saying the darnedest things , kids do the darnedest things!
Most of the time, this happens when parents aren’t looking. They could look away for one second and bam! disaster strikes!
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We’re talking kids covered in peanut butter, launching themselves through the air, and wandering away in public.
Thankfully, these stories are pretty hilarious. Here are 19 of them!
The tiny alcoholic.
For whatever reason, this parent was drinking scotch while doing the dishes.
They were faced toward the sink when they heard their three-year-old say “juice!” They turned around to see their son dump about 1/2oz of single malt into his mouth!
The bathroom break.
“Went to the toilet, leaving the newborn asleep on a blanket on the floor (on top of a large fluffy carpet). 3 year old was watching tv nearby. Came back to find baby literally rolled up in carpet like a dead body, 3 year old sitting on top, with a cushion under him too. Still don’t know how he did it at all let alone so quickly, and how the baby was totally chilled and unharmed.” – u/peripateticpeople
The little smurf.
Things went from jolly to ho-ho-horrible when this family was getting ready for a company Christmas party.
Their three-year-old managed to get into his mom’s blue nail polish and, thinking it was makeup, covered himself entirely in it!
Raise it up to the roof.
“Woke up once and my two sons had climbed out of a window onto a flat roof. They were 1 and 3. I still don’t know how they even got the window open.” – u/deleted
The knife.
When this mom was making dinner, they intentionally put the knife out of reach of their 18-month-old girl twin.
But when they had to change the boy twin, the little girl got a hold of the knife and they had to get it from her like a hostage negotiator so she wouldn’t run away with it.
The two front teeth.
“My daughter was 18 months old. Standing in between my husband and me in the kitchen, arm distance from both of us. She slipped, fell and broke two front teeth.” – u/Why_So_Slow
The diaper cream show.
“Found my baby boy had climbed to the top of a 4 ft tall dresser after stripping naked and covered his entire body face and hair with diaper cream. He performed this act in less than three minutes.” – u/jasho_dumming
Pea and poo.
When this Redditor’s husband was watching their two and six-month-old in the bath, they looked down at their phone for just a second.
Well, it was just long enough for the six-month-old to put a pea in their mouth . “Where did he get a pea in the bathtub, you might ask? From the stealth poop he did in that one second,” the wife wrote.
One potato, two potato.
“I glanced at the salt, and toddler daughter grabbed a whole new potato off my plate and shoved it in her mouth. She then tried to swallow it and choked. Longest 15 seconds on my life getting it out of her. Learn child first aid people! They are suicide machines as toddlers.” – u/Mischeese
An axe on daddy’s parenting.
“When my daughter was little, probably about 3, she went with me to shop for some tools. I turned away to look at something and heard behind me ‘Daddy, what’s this?’ ‘Uh, honey, that’s an axe. Please give it to me.'” – u/retailguy_again
Hide-and-seek.
As a new mom at 19, this Redditor left their nine-month-old baby on the bed so they could use the washroom.
That short break was enough for their baby to fall out the window and into the bush outside while laughing hysterically!
Kids are butter together with their parents.
“My toddler at the time grabbed a stick of butter out of the fridge and tossed it into the fish tank. Minutes later all the fish were floating dead in the fish tank. Last time we owned fish.” – u/earthenfirebrand
A sticky situation.
“Left my son at the kitchen counter while preparing pancakes. One minute he’s there, the next thing I know he’s successfully empties the syrup bottle All. Over. The. Couch. I mean puddles of syrup in our cushions and pillows.” – u/ashleynr12
Third times not the charm.
This Redditor was brave enough to bring their four kids (one seven-year-old and triplets) to the water park.
But when they blinked for one second, one of the three-year-olds got away and decided to go down a waterslide by himself!
A not-so-egg-cellent situation.
“Went to pee, put my kiddos in their room with the door open and the gate up. I also had the bathroom door open…come out to find a dozen eggs cracked on the kitchen floor and into the butter and my youngest covered in peanut butter naked.” – u/deleted
1/4 cup of pee.
“I was making cookies with my 2 sons and the younger one was being potty trained. I turned around to grab some ingredient, turn back around and my youngest proudly showed me how he managed to pee in the measuring cup.” – u/TLDR1417
The rocket launcher.
This mom wrote that her son is usually with her as she works from home. Well, one night when she took a call, he managed to climb onto the table and launch himself into the air!
Thankfully, she put the customer on mute as she screamed and rescued him.
The litle turd.
“My little dog pooped on the floor and my toddler put the turd in her mouth. (And was MAD that I insisted on removing it and washing her mouth.)” – u/LandlockedOcean
Chicken a là toilet water.
“Toddler sitting on floor.. no problem. Get chicken from fridge.. still sitting there… Open package and get hands into chicken.. toddler is gone.. I hear a toilet flushing…” – u/mysticalfruit
