Marriage is a complicated journey for many people. Some people get married to someone that they are madly in love with and envision an entire life together filled with kids, rainbows, adventures, and sunshine.
Others marry someone to settle down and do what they are supposed to do but realize the love just isn’t there. Others get married and realize it’s a mistake. Then, there are those who get married and their love might grow slowly over time. But the point is: it’s different for everyone.
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Marriage is different for everyone.
For every couple, marriage looks totally different. Everyone has their own unique relationship and story after they say “I do.” For many people, marriage still means constantly working on yourself so you can be the best version of yourself for another.
However, there are those who see marriage as a disaster altogether.
51-year-old journalist Heather Havrilesky is one of those people. H er new book “Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage” shows that marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows for everyone. In fact, many people feel the same way that Havrilesky does.
In the novel, Havrilesky shares that her husband is not always “the best”.
In the novel, Havrilesky compares her husband to some choice words. She writes that her husband of 16 years is “a pointy Lego brick underfoot,” and also “a smelly heap of laundry” and, still, a “snoring heap of meat.” How charming.
The journalist and her husband got married in 2006.
In 16-years, the two have made a life for themselves, including their two daughters. But their marriage is not picture perfect and Havrilesky wanted to normalize that and share that with the world. She pointed out that people put a fake relationship out in the world for everyone to see, when behind closed doors, it can be very different.
In many parts of the book, Havrilesky shares some pretty intense information.
In one part of the book, the author shares that she even had a crush on another man during her marriage. However, she was open and honest with her husband about it at the time.
“I knew that was sick and wrong of me.”
“But in real life from the very beginning I’d told Bill every beat of the situation, to the point where he was like, ‘I’m honestly bored of talking about this.”
“You’ve never fantasized about anyone? This is just normal stuff. It’s not the end of the world,'” she said.
The book may seem unconventional, but it has a purpose.
“The reason I wrote the book in the first place is in our culture we love to tell stories about falling in love.”
“There are a lot less stories and books and movies about actually making a relationship work over the long haul,” she told the Times .
In addition to the books, social media has made things difficult for people to understand what is true and what isn’t.
Havrilesky explained to The Times that not only are the books an issue, but with social media—like Twitter and Instagram—people always get glimpses of people’s lives that are really carefully curated. So, not everything is real, it’s all planned.
And, despite their disagreements and the fact that she doesn’t always feel the love, they’re in it for the long haul.
Havrilesky said she and her husband are always very honest with one another, and believes this is why their relationship has lasted so long.
Overall, she also thinks that the two of them are going to be together for the long run, despite the hatred and frustrations they both have.
Despite the book being a comedic approach to marriage, there were critics of the book.
People had THOUGHTS.
Whoopi Goldberg shared her opinion on The View , when discussing the novel and disapproved of Havrilesky comparing her husband to laundry and meat. On the show, she said, “you don’t need to call people funny names.”
Other reviewers felt Havrilesky made it too “one-sided.”
Havrilesky, who has been an avid writer about her marriage for years, was also called out by a New York Times reviewer Walter Kirn.
Kirn claims that so often, Havrilesky writes about her “husband’s shortcomings” but never discusses the problems that she brings to the table, too.
However, some felt that the story was “refreshing.”
Although she received some hate and judgment for her book, many felt it was “refreshing” to see a true discussion of how marriage can truly be.
Although it may not seem conventional, many feel that it’s relatable and honest and for that, they are thankful.
