It’s tough to navigate interpersonal dynamics, especially when you’re not sure if you went overboard or not.
Fortunately, there’s a subreddit that’s explicitly designed to put these questions to an impartial jury.
A woman recently asked if she was being a jerk after she refused her husband’s gift.
“Am I the [jerk] for testing to see if my husband purchased my gift himself and telling him I don’t want it after he failed?”
It’s a fairly wordy title, but all becomes clear in OP’s post .
To begin, she states that her husband’s always given her gifts.
“However, I’ve always suspected that my husband doesn’t always pick the gifts himself because sometimes they seem really thoughtful and personal to me, and other times they seem like generic presents you could give to anyone,” she wrote.
“I usually don’t say anything because on special occasions he always gives me meaningful presents…until this year.”
OP suspects her hubby’s assistant is the one buying the gifts.
Her husband denies this, so she decided to put things to the test.
“Our anniversary was a few days ago and he gave me a necklace. It was beautiful but I rarely wear jewellery, which he knows,” OP explains. “When I opened it, I told him I loved the red color (it was blue), [and] he told me he thought the red would suit me the best.
Was she seeing red?
It was a devious trick, but it worked.
“I played along for a little while and then showed him the necklace,” OP wrote.
Long story short, they had a big fight over it.
“He said … that forgetting the color was an honest mistake but it didn’t mean he never bought it himself. He’s also mad at me now for trying to test him and for rejecting his gift.”
So, is OP right or is she wrong?
There’s no doubt that she bamboozled her husband a bit here, but I think most folks would be a bit annoyed if they realized their significant other never personally picked out the gifts they’re giving.
Reddit agrees: she’s not being a jerk here.
“He can’t even LOOK at the gifts ‘he’ gets for you?” asked one incredulous commenter. “Why bother then? He might as well just give you cash so you can at least get something you like.
The commenter encouraged OP to tell her husband never to buy her anything again if this is how it’s going to be.
Gotcha!
“Playing the ‘gotcha’ game with your partner is not going to end well, ever,” reasoned another commenter.
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“I think OP needs to think about what she wants from presents. Is it to have nice things? Then it seems like it’s fine that the husband outsources some of that process.”
Where’s the value?
It sounds like OP’s gifts are typically expensive, but clearly they don’t hold any emotional or sentimental value.
“I don’t think your husband gets that gifts mean nothing if they aren’t personal,” read another comment. “Without any thought behind it, it’s just materialistic and without value.”
Is she being ungrateful?
Some folks blamed OP.
“You are such a [expletive] ingrate, it’s unbelievable,” one Redditor fumed . “Your husband spoils you and buys you gifts and sometimes he’s not able to buy them before and STILL gets you something you clearly liked…and you’re MAD?”
Dissent aside, the verdict is in.
The post received a tag confirming that OP isn’t being the jerk here, which is essentially a ‘not guilty’ verdict when it comes to the Reddit world. In any event, it sounds like this couple needs to talk things out.
How would you handle this?
While outsourcing the odd present might not be a big deal, it’s certainly understandable why someone might get frustrated when a loved one does this again and again.
Check out the thread and then share your thoughts in the comments below.
