Have you ever wondered what a polyamorous relationship is like?
Unlike traditional dating which involves two people, people who practice polyamory have multiple romantic relationships at one time.
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People in polyamorous relationships are sharing their secrets online… This includes everything from jealousy to rules they must keep.
Now’s your chance to peek behind the curtain…
They co-parent.
This Redditor’s wife has been poly since she was a teen. He’s now been living with his wife and their girlfriend for two years.
They have two children together and they help co-parent their partner’s adopted daughter.
They all sleep in the same bed together.
“We have a massive bed [2 queens pushed together]. And in our particular situation, the relationships are all intermingled together. We live together, eat together, etc. But the girls have their date/movie nights and I have my time with them as well.” – u/xthedocx
Honesty is very important.
“The number one key is honesty. I told them all from the start who I am, and made sure that they are comfortable with it. Also, I do check-ins from time to time and make sure we are still on the same page, and gauge if things have changed that needs to be discussed.” – amberm497cd3d50
The jealousy is real.
This Redditor is in a polyamory relationship with his girlfriend. He wrote that unless he also has a partner to keep him busy, he’s not happy when he knows she’s with someone else.
The desire to have kids can turn a relationship polyamorous.
“My current relationship turned into a poly one when my partner decided she was running out of time to have kids (a thing that I don’t have plans to do). So she’s started a distance thing with one of her friends, with the view to the marriage and babies thing.” – u/phx-au
Some only date the same sex.
“My and my husband are both bisexual. We agreed polyamory works for us only for the same sex. I’m welcome to date a girl, while he’s welcome to date a boy.” – baebumblebees
Instead of cheating, they turned to polyamory.
This woman struggled with the temptation of cheating in her marriage. Instead of letting it get to that point, her husband decided it would be best if they open up their relationship.
They don’t always share a bed together.
“We don’t share a bed for sleeping purposes, for practical reasons (my wife and partner are terrible sleep partners for each other) they each have a bed and I alternate between the two.” – u/judge_Holden_8
They have to meet everyone’s partner first.
“Always meet up together, at least the first time, to make sure you’re both comfortable with the dynamics. If you have no qualms, single meet-ups are probably fine afterward. No secret lovers. We both know each other’s ‘buddies.'” – Anonymous
Some prefer to be the “third.”
This woman is dating a married man and she’s perfectly fine with the husband putting his marriage first. “I kinda enjoy being his ‘piece on the side’ in a very aware and consensual way,” she wrote.
Some have rules.
“We’re only with one another, for instance–no one else is going to be my boyfriend and no one else is going to be his girlfriend (although he gives no [expletive] about what I do with ladies).” – u/Kittae
They use a Google Calendar to avoid double-booking partners.
“Share a Google calendar if you have more than two partners. With work, events, and free time, if things are scheduled and everyone can see them, it easier to make sure everyone is getting the quality time they need.” – Anonymous
Some say that dating is the same as traditional dating.
Many meet on dating sites, just like monogamous folks. They also talk about the same things, such as who each person is seeing and having “the talk” of what they are to each other.
Being polyamorous doesn’t always work out.
“I did poly for a while in college. Discovered i was hardwired monogamous. I picked one of my partners and shattered 2 hearts in the process. I learned a lot from it and would suggest everyone who is curious to try it.” – u/deleted
They tell one another about any new sexual interactions that introduce greater risk into the polycule.
“This is not so much a rule as it is a deal breaker. If I can’t trust someone to honestly share when they’ve had sex in a way that increases my risk of contracting an STI, then I CANNOT be sexual with them.”
Some practice solo polyamory.
For this woman, solo polyamory means that they are their own primary and they live alone with no intention to remarry.
They love how this gives them the freedom to explore as many relationships as they want without shame and guilt.
They never expected to enter into this lifestyle.
“I never would have thought I’d be one to explore non-traditional relationships (raised Roman Catholic, traditional relationship values, etc) but you never really know until you are in the situation.” – u/polyaway000
Some practice egalitarian polyamory.
“Though the two of us are married, we have both had other relationships simultaneously while in our own. We try to avoid the ‘primaries/secondaries’ mindset, but logistically, it sort of works out that we are each others’ primaries since we live together.” – u/brakasha
Transparency is super important.
This person is in a polyamorous relationship where they all communicate in group messages with each other. Only a small amount of “private” relationship building is allowed and anyone’s phone is subject to inspection at any time.
