Many parents react to their children in ways they don’t realize can have a lasting impact on them. Sometimes, we have natural reactions to our children when they are loud, acting up, or sometimes just on our nerves. We don’t always realize the language we use and how it can impact the kids down the road, because they’re usually knee-jerk, natural reactions.
Words can stay with kids longer than we realize.
Words have connotations to them, like “loud” or “quiet.” Words like “good” and “bad” can also have connotations that stick with our kids, and sometimes make them feel a specific way about themselves , without us even realizing it at all.
Sometimes, when we say certain things to kids, we can make them feel small.
Telling kids to “quiet down” when they are really excited, or telling them that they are acting “bad” when they are happy and having fun can truly leave a bruise on their egos, sometimes causing damage we don’t see until later on.
One mom on TikTok broke it down further, explaining why she doesn’t ever call her kids “bad.”
Mom Jess Martini is a popular TikTok user who shares parenting advice and stories on her account. She often talks about having children who are “spirited,” but are always called “difficult” by others, and how she navigates her own world of parenting.
In one TikTok video, Jess explains why she never likes to “shush” or silence her kids.
She starts the video off by mimicking a child who is trying to tell their parent a story they are really, really excited about. Their energy and noise may be higher, because of the excitement. As we know, kids do this often.
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She shares a parent’s usual response.
Many times when kids approach us at this level of noise or even level of energy, we tell them to “shhh” because they are “too loud.” We also may tell them to “settle down,” and even ask them why they are yelling.
This can cause a reaction in our kids that can be negative.
The way that kids can take this can make them become “small.” Kids will apologize for being too loud, call themselves “annoying” or even say that they no longer want or wish to share the story they were once excited about.
The mom also adds that parents should question why their kids are loud.
“Are they difficult or naturally confident? Are they being ‘too much’ or [just] enthusiastic? Is he a bad kid or just high energy and curious? Is she the problem child or strong willed,” Jess says to parents. These are all things that can indicate if a child is being “naughty” or if they are “overstimulated.”
She also suggests that parents be a bit more patient with their kids.
“Is it actually a disruptive amount of noise or are they just a little bit excited, a little bit passionate, a little bit louder than normal?” she questions, “[because] there’s really no reason that we need to go shushing when they’re not being disruptive,” she said on TikTok.
Moreover, she advises that this negative talk to kids can make them feel “less themselves.”
The negative reaction in kids can be that they no longer want to be the confident, energetic child they once were around parents who are “shushing” them and making them feel they need to be smaller to be accepted.
Just some mom food for thought!
