Moms together outside school
NY Times | Paramount

19 Traits Women Don't Want To Carry On From Their Mother

Mothers pass down a lot more to their kids than just genes. 

They forget that kids have impressionable minds, which means that they're likely to mirror what they see. For instance, children of alcoholic parents are more likely to struggle with alcohol themselves

The same sad story goes for issues like body image, self-talk, and relationships. 

Here, 19 women are set on breaking the cycle. They share the traits they don't want to carry on from their own mothers.

Letting their kids have friends over

Kids hugging each other
Unsplash | Nathan Dumlao

One Redditor missed out on this since her mother was ashamed of their house. She has vowed not to do the same, as she wants her kids to be able to have friends come and play and sleep over.

Letting their kids go to sleepovers

Girls having a sleepover
IMBd | Universal

In that same vein, other women had mothers who didn't let them go to their friends' houses for sleepovers. They missed out on a lot of fun and socializing as a result, which they don't want for their own kids.

Constantly trying to talk their kids out of their feelings

Mother with her child
Unsplash | Wesley Mc Lachlan

"A huge part of why my marriage failed is because when I was upset, I had no idea how to even communicate that. I squashed it down, and I forced myself to be happy." - u/PrincessPeach817

Being fully dependent on a man

Pam crying
Giphy |

"If my dad passes before her, she won’t be able to fend for herself. And that’s why she’s stuck in a loveless marriage. I want to show my son what a loving household is and what it means for an adult to, you know, adult. Self-sufficiency is so important." - u/Summerjynx

Staying with their abuser

Maddie and Nate walking
Popsugar | HBO

Thankfully, one woman has already broken the cycle by leaving the man who caused them pain. The same can't be said for their mother, unfortunately, as they wrote that their mom is still married to their dad.

Passive-aggressive shaming

Shame woman ringing bell
Giphy |

"My mom, when I enjoyed something she didn’t approve of (music, clothing, hobbies) she would criticize it in a negative way to shame me or embarrass me out of it. Even at 30, she’ll insult me or the things I do willingly in my own free time because it’s not something she likes. It’s like being negged by my own mother all the time." - u/RussetRiver

Not having adult friendships

Mom friends with baby
Unsplash | Sharon McCutcheon

Making your family your everything can backfire. Since one Redditor's mom doesn't really have any friends anymore, she doesn't leave the house much.

The Redditor plans to change that, as she believes that it's important for your kids to see you enjoying life and people.

Being critical of a person's appearance

Gordan Ramsay being critical
Giphy | Masterchef

"My mother was extremely critical of how I look and made hurtful comments about my hips, thighs, etc. She'd say things like 'those pants would look good on you if you didn't have such wide hips' (even though I didn't)." - u/obiwan_jenobi

Not enjoying being a mother

Woman crying while holding baby
Bitch Flicks | New Line Cinema

Instead of a household filled with a lot of love and joy, one woman was raised by a mother who made it obvious that she didn't like being a mother. She doesn't want to put the same pain on her kids.

Labeling food as "good" or "bad"

Pizza
Unsplash | Pablo Pacheco

"I've been struggling with food and EDs since I was 14 and only now at the age of 25 I can finally buy myself a chocolate when I feel like it and be happy about it. I don't want that struggle for my children." - u/New-Fudge-7871

Not respecting a child's privacy

Woman reading diary
Giphy | Hallmark Movies & Mysteries

Constantly raiding a teen's phone and reading their diary entries will only cause them to rebel.

That's what happened to one Redditor, who became very sneaky so that their mother didn't find out what they were actually doing. There has to be trust.

Expecting perfection

Emily Gilmore in Gilmore Girls
Giphy | Gilmore Girls

"My mum once said 'you'd be so beautiful if you just lost some weight' and the pain I felt was awful. I will encourage my kids to be health but also love themselves." - u/Inevitable_Item_5080 Ugh. That's terrible.

Making everyone miserable

Mom yelling
Gold Derby | AMC

If she's in a bad mood, everyone else will be soon, too. One Redditor's mom made sure of it by making their family hear and acknowledge it. She'd also slam cabinets and stomp around, making the air feel so heavy and uncomfortable, they wrote.

Living their entire life as a slave to their husband

Housewife cleaning
Giphy | Marc Rodriguez

"My mom was an enabling doormat to my father, she SERVED him 24/7/365 and he just soaked it up with nary a compliment or even acknowledgment. They both worked, made the same salary, but when they came home it was her managing the house and him mostly doing what he pleased." - u/BloedelBabe

Avoiding confrontation

Woman looking out window
Unsplash | Cheron James

Difficult conversations scare some people. But by avoiding them, a mother is neglecting to teach their children communications skills. So now whenever the Redditor's sister is mad at their mom and vice versa, they're unable to resolve the issues.

Not telling their kids they love them

Mother kissing son
Unsplash | Andriyko Podilnyk

"Let’s just say my childhood was traumatic and I didn’t hear that I was loved very often. I have clear memories of hoping to hear her say she loved me because I wanted to say the 'I love you too.'" - u/Busymomintx

Insecurity

Woman staring in mirror
Unsplash | Szabolcs Toth

Many women on the thread shared stories of their mothers talking negatively about themselves. They would constantly talk down about their appearance, personality, and so on.

Eventually, this kind of negative self-talk gets passed down to the daughters, which is why teaching self-love is so important.

Guilt-tripping to get what they want

Reese Witherspoon yelling
Giphy | HULU

"My mom is notorious for it. She does the whole 'fine. Go to your friends house. I just sit at home by myself' now as an adult I’m just like 'alright, see you later' but I let her get away with it way too much as a kid." - u/huskeya4

Hypocrisy

Moms together outside school
NY Times | Paramount

"My mom would demand something from us, but flimsily justify why she didn't have to be held to the same standard. Or we were just too scared to question her about her hypocrisy. It's difficult to be raised by a loving, strong lady, but to also grow to realize that I don't always want to be like her." - u/Team_speak

H/T: Reddit