Marriage proposals are a life event equally filled with both anxiety and excitement. You’re asking the person you want to spend the rest of your life with if they would like to also, it can be nerve-wracking in every sense!
Not every proposal has its perfect answer, though, there are some that hit some unexpected bumps and need to change course. These are those stories, packaged for you here.
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Language barrier.
“My mother told my father no three times. On the third time he got wasted at a local bar and basically started pouring his heart out to any one who’d listen. Mind you, it’s a very small village in the Italian alps and my father barely spoke Italian and no one in the village spoke English, including my mother. Word got back to my mom about this sad American at the bar so she went to find him and she told him she’d marry him.”
This commenter added that they’ve been married for 44 years, a beautiful outcome for this couple!
The long goodbye.
“She was an Art Major and I had just joined the Army. We had been lovers since high school. I asked, she said no. She wanted to get her Masters. We were friends for a while but we don’t talk anymore. She works as a bartender I think now. I ended up getting married to my best friend. We’ve been married for more than a decade and have a five year old son.”
Sometimes, the one you ask isn’t the one, but that allows you to go find someone else even better for you!
The push she needed.
“My mum actually said no to my dad’s proposal when they were younger. Not because they weren’t in love, but because she wasn’t sure if it was something she actually wanted to do […] They still stayed together and had kids (hence why you’re reading this now!). And then when my dad was terminally ill a few years ago my mum plucked up the courage and asked him. Just to get her back after all those years he said no- before taking her up on the offer a few days later.”
Across the ocean.
“We met in her home country of Germany while I was traveling. I knew I was in love. We dated long distance for a while. Me flying to Europe. Her flying to the US. I suggested marriage so we could be together. She said no a few times. I didn’t press. […] Then it hit her that’s how we could be together. If we got married, we could live in a country together. The difficulties of being born on a different patch of dirt. A few years later, I’m still married to my best friend and living with her in Germany. Not all no’s stay no. Life goes on.”
A painful reminder.
“As a woman who was engaged and the proposal was later revoked, it still stings a little 11 years later. When you’re sure you’re with the love of your life, losing them can really pop a hole in your life plans.”
This was a short story, a simple ‘no’, but a reminder to always have something to fall back on if you can, just in case.
Just a little bit longer.
“We lived together for another six years until she changed her mind and told me that I should ask again. We were engaged for over a year and got married in 1991. We are still married, have three children, and are both still very much in love.”
It was nice of her to tell you when she was ready, made the path since and clear for you both!
Sobering up.
“My dad proposed to a woman who said no. My dad was a violent alcoholic and she said she couldn’t be with him unless he got clean. Took him a little while, but he did it. He wound up meeting my mom through a match maker and they’ve been married 25 years. If that woman never said no to him, he never would have gotten clean.”
Sometimes, rejection is really what it takes to make you realize you need to change. Good for him!
Freak out.
“My dad asked my mom to marry him several times. She said no, several times. One day my dad asked my mom to marry him (yet again). She said YES! He freaked out and left her apartment and dumped her. Three weeks later he hated his life without her and begged her to take him back and marry him. They were married 9 months later for 16 years until my mom passed from cancer. They loved each other so much and had such a deep appreciation for each other.”
A near miss.
“Dated a woman for over two years and popped the question. First time she said ‘I don’t know’. A couple months later I asked her again, she said ‘Maybe.’ I was pretty bent out of shape. But then I found out she was sleeping with several of my friends so I dodged a bullet there really.”
So her saying no was really a blessing in disguise, just not one you’d find out about until later.
A new connection.
“I never saw her again. Less than a year later I met my wife. We’ve been together 15 years.”
A swift exit might be painful when it happens, but could end up even better for the one that was left in the long run, as it can make it easier to now dwell on it.
Parental guidance.
“[Was] dating this girl for about a year from my home town. When I asked she said yes. Her dad former Navy kept saying we should wait. We put it off for a bit longer. Fast forward another year. [She] dumped me. Father informs me she has been sleeping with A LOT of guys […]. And was very happy [I] didn’t marry her. [And] apologizes to me for her behavior.”
Not the type of parental support you thought you’d receive, but at least someone said sorry.
A year apart.
“I asked her right out of high school, but she wasn’t ready. We stayed together, went to college at the same school, spent the first year in separate dorms, then moved in together. Got married a few years later. Our 20th is coming up.”
Sometimes, a little time apart to think is all it takes to make the right decision!
All the wrong reasons.
“My mom told my dad no when he proposed to her even though they were already living together. She thought he was impotent and it wasn’t until she got pregnant that she said yes. In retrospect, I wish my parents had decided early in their relationship that they can barely stand each other.”
That doesn’t seem like the best reason to get married, but it also seems to happen a lot . Too much, even.
Surprising everybody.
“I spoke to her about it beforehand, and she seemed really keen on the idea. So I decided to propose about a week after in front of all our friends she was so shocked she picked me up off my knee and shoed me away. […] later she explained she didn’t mean no she just didn’t know what to say and was scared. She said yes after apologizing profusely and just this year we celebrated our 9th anniversary.”
A decision beforehand can feel a lot different than making the same decision in the moment!
One day’s wait.
“My mother turned my father down, but didn’t outright break up with him. She just wasn’t sure about the marriage idea; she valued her independence and was nervous about commitment. No hard feelings, though. He called up the next day when she’d had more time to think about it, and she said yes after all. They celebrated 32 years of marriage last month.”
The King’s blessing.
“My husband asked 3 times in the span of a couple months. We had dated for 3 years. He was ready, I wanted to graduate college first. Also: don’t ‘propose’ by handing your SO a ring while you’re both in the car on the way to Burger King. I’m low maintenance, but put some thought into it.”
So Burger King is out, but what about McDonald’s? Wendy’s?
Reversal.
“She had said she wasn’t really a fan of marriage, so I thought proposing non-marriage might be well received, and I wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives. So I asked her not to marry me. She said no. We have been married for 10 years.”
He pulled the ol’ switcheroo, on her and everyone reading this comment!
A little more effort.
“My dad kept trying, and was eventually successful when he stopped using onion rings.”
Hey, it’s not his fault that some women appreciate things like ‘monetary value regarding jewelry they’ll wear for the rest of their life’.
On the dot.
“I was the person who said no. We had only known each other for 3 months and he was smitten, I was more cautious. I said no, I like you but it’s way too soon. He asked when would be enough time, I said maybe a year. He proposed again at midnight, one year after we first met, I said yes and we have been together 8 years now.”
You only said maybe but he still committed to it, and it worked out for the both of you!
Unsurprising outcome.
“My buddy proposed and she said, ‘ugh ok, well I don’t want to be the kind of girl that says no’. They’re divorced.”
After a response like that, yeah, somehow I’m not shocked about that ending.
