Marriage is about accepting your partner as flawed and loving them despite it. But what they don’t often advertise is that marriage also brings with it some heavy baggage — usually in the form of overbearing relatives.
Recenetly, a Reddit user named AfroQueen16 found out that she’s having a baby. She decided to take to Reddit and ask for advice after her mother-in-law said that she wanted to be in the delivery room during the birth .
Not long ago, AfroQueen16 found out that she was going to be a mother. As excited as she is, she’s worried about boundary issues.
Immediately upon hearing the news regarding the pregnancy, her boyfriend’s mother began making overbearing requests. “She asked my boyfriend if it was okay for her to come to our prenatal appointments which at the moment I felt was fine but now I’m starting to second guess myself.”
Not only did her mother-in-law show up to the appointments early, but she would often speak over her pregnant daughter-in-law to the doctor.
AfroQueen16 tried to explain her feelings to her boyfriend, but her concerns largely fell on deaf ears.
“My boyfriend told me it’s just because she’s excited for her first grandchild but my mom says it’s a red flag for when the baby actually is born,” she said.
Things went from bad to worse after AfroQueen16 began making arrangements for her birthing plan that didn’t happen to include her boyfriend’s mother. It was at this time that her mother-in-law made her frustrations known.
“I also mentioned I didn’t want anyone in the delivery room except my boyfriend and she looked like she got upset and tried to tell me I needed someone there to coach me.”
The idea of having someone else in the room, other than her boyfriend, made AfroQueen16 incredibly uncomfortable. As she explained via her Reddit post:
“I am a very independent private person and her being there babying her son when I need him comforting me while I’m trying to push out our child is just going to piss me off.”
AfroqQueen16 said she didn’t even want her boyfriend to tell his mother to come to the hospital until the baby was already born.
She reasoned that telling the mother ahead of time would only invite trouble . Not only that, but it would give the mother an excuse to insert herself into a situation where she clearly wasn’t welcome.
Sure, it might sound a little deceptive on the surface, but isn’t it better than having an incredibly uncomfortable conversation that might risk hurting a loved one’s feelings?
Or is AfroQueen16 being too harsh on her boyfriend’s mother?
In her Reddit post, AfroQueen16 asked earnestly if she was doing the right thing by not allowing her boyfriend’s mother into the delivery room. “Also am I over reacting[sic] about the prenatal appointments or is it kinda over bearing,” she thoughtfully asked.
“I love that she wants to be involved but I am the mom and it’s time for her son to step up alone because he is about to be a Father.”
Several people weighed in to express their thoughts and opinions on the subject.
A fellow Reddit user told AfroQueen16 that “It’s time to set boundaries.”
They reasoned that “If your own mom, who is just as excited for your baby as your MIL is, does not come to your prenatal appointments, then MIL should not. If you only want your bf in labor and delivery, that is your right.”
It’s a fair point to be certain. If the mother isn’t going to be in the delivery room, it hardly seems fair for the mother-in-law to be there, doesn’t it?
Others were more empathetic, but affirmed the same decision — no mother-in-laws allowed.
Redditor Charl2510 explained that she too was due this coming November and has been struggling with similar issues. “I really think you need to nip that in the bud ASAP else it will just get worse,” she warned. “I am only having my partner in the room too but I am worried that MIL will ask to be there!”
Where do you stand on this issue? Would you allow your mother-in-law to be in the delivery room with you? leave a comment and let us know!
