Marriage Quotes Our Husbands Probably Won't Find Very Funny

There are many things that sum up married life: these hilarious quotes, stealing the covers night after night, hiding your favorite snacks in the Tampax box (or in the dishwasher like this brilliant mom!)

Annnd these marriage quotes that our husbands probably won't find very funny.

Sorry, not sorry!

If you can't laugh at yourself, what's the point of marriage?

Your side of the bed becomes a sacred place.

When you're in the early stages of dating someone, you're more than willing to let small things go.

They ate with their mouth open? Eh, whateves. They snored? You'll get ear plugs! But once you're married, your tolerance is so slow, even their breathing annoys you.

There's no cap on love — or spending.

The husband's first mistake was telling her that she didn't "need an expensive blender." What else could she do but rebel? Let's hope she breaks the news nicely with a nice smoothie.

Netflix & pass out.

Yes, it's true: we take forever to decide what we want, whether it's where to eat or a movie.

And then, after all that effort, we scroll through TikTok after promising we wouldn't be on our phones. Oops!

It's called working smarter, not harder.


Most men love doing yard work, so if you think about it, we're actually helping them by staying out of their way. They can mow the lawn in peace while we watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians inside. Win-win!

The man cold.

We all have seen the man cold. When the world is suddenly ending around them.

Meanwhile, the entire house is spotless and I have a crazy fever. But sure, go off.

A wife's work is never done.

Does anyone else always feel like they're cleaning the house 24/7 even though we go to work during the day?

Men, taking out the trash is one simple job. Relax.

Now means NOW.

I am really, really not down for something to happen two hours after I asked for it.

If that was the case, I would have asked you two hours after I originally asked for the thing to be done.

When you've been married this long, it's about the little things.

Like ice cream, which to me, is a big thing.

Especially when my hormones are everywhere, it's ESSENTIAL that no one eats the last of the ice cream.

When you can't escape two shopping trips .

What kills me is that I actually GIVE HIM A LIST.

So, how are you missing half the items but when I go to the store they magically show up? This makes zero sense to me.

This is war.

Okay so we are all doing this to our partners, right?

I'm not saying I have more important people to talk to than my husband does, but I'm definitely saying my conversations hold more value.


Get your ears checked guys. I promise you that whatever we are saying to you is important even if you don't think it is.

You can't just turn it on and off! That will only spur my anger on.

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