Asking for what you want in the bedroom is never easy.
You can a) tread carefully so as not to offend your partner. Or b) shoot it to ’em straight by writing out a list of demands .
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That’s what one husband did with his wife. Now, his list of demands is turning the internet off and making people uncomfortable .
The wife took her dilemma to “Mumsnet’s Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum.
It’s kind of like Reddit’s, “Am I The Asshole?” forum, except it’s for moms. There, people can help anonymous users decide if they were wrong or not in particular situations.
She started by sharing that she’s felt inconvenienced by DH (dear husband) and wants “better quality” sex.
She’s certainly not alone. A 2021 study found that over a third of Americans in a relationship are unsatisfied with their sex life. Out of 1,000 American relationships, 34 percent of people were unable to rate their sex life as either “satisfying” or “very satisfying.”
Additionally, women were twice as likely to describe their sex life as “boring.”
Another study by EdenFantasys.com found that the biggest obstacles to a better sex life was sex that ended too quickly, a lack of foreplay, and a lack of communication.
A list of demands is **not** a way to fix things, but, alas, that’s what this “dear husband” did.
On the forum, she began by explaining that her husband has had some, er, performance issues. “DH recently has started to sometimes not get it up,” she began her post.
“He has started to say it’s because I don’t make an effort (admittedly I don’t),” she continued.
She asked the users to share if their sex life has standards. Why, you ask? Because her husband decided to issue demands that he expects from her occasionally.
These demands include “shaven pubic hair, a bit of makeup, hair not looking a mess, a wash beforehand.”
“Are these things reasonable to expect of you before sex?” the woman asked. “To be honest I just can’t do these things in order to have sex.”
She continued on, saying that she has to understand that sex is based on attraction.
“I am being lazy to not want to do these things.” She added that they are trying to conceive so it’s wearing her out and that she “just cannot be bothered.”
She concluded her post by asking people to not “roast” her husband.
She simply “genuinely wants to know if people make an effort for sex and if so is the above ask fair.” Unfortunately, many didn’t listen and were quick to slam him.
“I wouldn’t be having a baby with this man,” one wrote.
“Sounds like he is criticizing you because he’s projecting his own insecurities,” another added.
“Who on earth thinks you should put makeup on to go to bed??” a third wrote.
Some, however, judged the woman for finding a basic wash unreasonable.
“You can’t be arsed to have a wash beforehand?! Seriously?” one frustrated user wrote. “It’s going to be really unpleasant, and potentially stomach-churning, for both of you if the other hasn’t washed and is a bit whiffy,” another added.
“I would have thought being clean was a pretty basic requirement tbh,” a third wrote.
One woman even suggested some counter offers to his demands, such as trimmed hair instead of shaven, a clean face, and a good wash.
