20 Juicy Confessions People Felt Compelled To Make

Art showing woman in confessional booth
twitter | @fesshole

Everyone has secrets. Some are benign, while others are far more impactful. In any event, holding onto a secret can weigh heavily on a person.

At one point in history, people might have gone to a church and spilled all of their juicy secrets in a confessional booth. But in the modern era, anonymously confessing your secrets is as simple as submitting them to the @fesshole Twitter account.

When you're in too deep.

When it comes to cremated remains (technically cremains, don't'cha know), there are two schools of thought: some prefer to scatter their loved one's ashes in a special spot, while others prefer to hang onto the ashes in a special container. I suppose this tweet represents a third option.

That sounds like a lot of work.

This is a game specifically for when OP can't sleep, so I guess it's something to do. Still, I can't imagine taking part in this kind of physical exertion for so little payoff.

Don't ruin a good thing.

Sometimes, in a committed relationship, one partner will lie about their whereabouts. It doesn't necessarily mean that they're cheating. Some people just need to carve out a little bit of time for themselves without anyone else knowing.

This sounds British.

The end result isn't particularly British, but all this talk of "blazing rows" and "skirting boards" tells me that this couple hails from merry olde England. You never want to see a loved one injure themselves, but sometimes watching them endure some slight discomfort is the only way to prove your point.

That's wholesome.

When I was about seven years old, I'd do similar things with my possessions. After all, I didn't want any of my Lego people to feel lonely during the long night.

I'm not sure if this forklift story is an example of someone being cute, or someone who needs to grow up. Also, why is it a confession? It's hardly a dark secret.

When you run a literal diploma mill.

If this person had printed themselves a nuclear physics degree or something, this could have been a fraud case. But somehow, I don't think anyone really cares about fake interpretive dance degrees. They're even more useless than my degree.

A circuitous way into their hearts.

This guy is following some strong instincts, because you never want to be the single adult who's offering candy to children. That said, is it any better to be the single adult who's sending anonymous Amazon packages to children?

Never tell her.

This might be the sweetest, most wholesome story on the whole list. It could backfire, though: if this guy's daughter keeps walking only when he's around, he might be forced to maintain this charade for longer than expected.

I have questions.

I get the intent here, I really do. But the whole reason you have a spare key is so it's available in case you ever need to use it. We don't keep spares of useful things just so we can bury them in our backyard time capsules.

That's tough but fair.

If you're playing shows, it's nice to have some help carrying your stuff into and out of the venue. But you also don't want random strangers to make assumptions about who is and isn't in the band, so this impulse (kind of) makes sense.

All's well that ends well.

This is just like being a kid and asking your parents for a Lego set. The only difference is that, as an adult, you can buy your own sets anytime you want. Asking for permission is a cute touch, though.

Petty revenge is the best revenge.

This person has a bone to pick with their old publication. The nice thing for them is that, since print journalism is pretty much dead, they'll likely see the magazine go bankrupt in their lifetime. They can go ahead and tell themselves that this is why it all happened.

That might just be a life hack.

I think everyone's felt this kind of anxiety before, and it's made even worse by the fact that you're far from home and will be for quite some time. I might just start doing this myself. It'll make for boring Instagram stories, but that's fine.

They didn't tell us how it went after that.

Police officers can be an unpredictable bunch, and I can easily see the cop in this scenario either handing out a hefty ticket or having a hearty laugh over some juvenile humor. I'd really like to know how this one ended.

Together, in a way.

This is a pretty cute way to virtually hang out with your dog. Spotify offers listening party options which could increase the immersion even more, but I suppose that would require teaching the dog how to use Spotify.

Been there.

I had a similar issue, where my white dishwasher had a cool blue control panel. I actually liked the look, but then I found the blue hue missing one day. Turns out my wife had removed the protective blue film on the front.

Some people are so gullible.

This is the kind of trick you'd play on a kid to get them to eat healthy food, only this case isn't dealing with a kid, it's dealing with a full-grown man. Maybe he's just easier to fool.

Love it.

Copyright squatters and domain squatters are a very real thing. They might seem like pests, and they are, but who could turn up the chance to make a bunch of money off of a random thing that cost them pennies to secure?

Growing old together.

I'm wondering if this person was overestimating their mom's commitment to her pet goldfish. Maybe she was looking forward to the goldfish dying so she wouldn't have to deal with the commitment anymore. Then again, some goldfish literally do live to be 15 years old.

The Robin Hood of Ticketmaster.

I've signed on to ticket websites the literal second that tickets go on sale, immediately added tickets to my shopping cart, and still found them sold out when I try to pay. I could have used someone like this?

Got a secret? Time to fess up!

If you have a secret that needs to be told, don't just hang on to it. Anonymously submit it to the @fesshole Twitter account for your chance to be heard by the internet.