A person scrolling through Twitter on their phone.
Unsplash | Marten Bjork

Funny Parenting Tweets That Stuck With Us Like Play-Doh On A Sock

I swear, one of the highlights of being a parent is being able to share the strange, hilarious stories you have just from having kids. And to no one's surprise, there are a lot of them.

A lot that people love posting on places like Twitter, for the rest of us to read and enjoy. The joys of parenting, am I right?

Some kids need a little more time to grow than others.

It is pretty weird to think about how kids will be so different, even if they're pretty close in age. I guess that extra year or two can make a difference.

Those dang kids, just don't know how to struggle.

I wonder how kids today will react to things like the internet. Like, how we used to get booted off whenever the phone rang. No way they'd believe that used to be a thing.

WWII dads rise up!

As the kid of a WWII dad, I can say that this is pretty real. Some dads literally look for opportunities to talk about the war whenever they can, and you kind of have to appreciate the hustle.

Surprisingly self-aware, there.

I mean, you could just go back and tell them they forgot the nuggets. But this reaction is still pretty priceless. I swear, when people say things like "kids say the darndest things," they really aren't kidding.

The real parenting issues.

Being a parent is a 24/7 job. You always have to give 100%, even if you don't feel 100%. Which definitely sucks, but I'm sure there are upsides to being a parent too. Like when they say ridiculously funny things.

Be ready for anything.

Well, I don't actually know that you can be ready for impromptu tambourine concerts while on the toilet. But you can always be ready for the possibility that this might be something your kid decides to do.

Cyber crimes: parenting division.

Okay, but the phrase, "entirely too many cows" coming from a 7-year-old is just golden. Like, I feel bad for the kid and his Minecraft cow problem. But I can't be the only one laughing right now, right?

Parenting toddlers should be an Olympic sport.

Toddlers have so much energy, that getting them to do anything is pretty much like pulling teeth. I have to say, though, I have mad respect for all the patient parents in the world.

Too bad they grow out of their naiveté.

Ah, naïve kids will believe anything you tell them. Which is both a good thing and a bad thing, because you might accidentally freak them out or something. Unfortunately (or fortunately?) they grow out of it eventually.

Learning math the only good way.

Your kid gets to learn numbers and you're provided with a steady supply of chocolate chips? Now that sounds like the only real way any of us should be learning math. If only that was sustainable...

Some tea parties honestly sound like scams.

I hate to break it to this parent, but she got scammed bigtime. Having to clean up after Barbie and Iron Man when they get the billionaire treatment? I wouldn't want to do that, either.

Why are kids so obsessed with sharing their dreams?

I mean, a lot of adults are too, but kids always take a really long time explaining them. I swear, by the time a kid finishes the dream story, they'll have gone to bed and had a new dream to share.

You know what? It IS her season!

I wish we could all be just like this kid, with all the confidence in the world. I mean, maybe we could learn a thing or two from her. Though, we aren't all lucky enough to be named after flowers.

No words, just deep thoughts.

Sometimes, kids say some really weird things that end up being surprisingly deep. Sometimes, the things they say are too deep. In other news, I'm going to be thinking about this for the next decade, I think.

Ryan better not push it (pun intended).

I need to know if the kid actually told Ryan about this. That would absolutely scare the living daylights out of him, though — because Chris Cantwell actually does write Iron Man comics — so maybe it's better if he doesn't.

Go ahead and get yourself something nice.

That sounds like a kid who might have a pretty bright future in sales in about two decades. I'm definitely seeing the spirit of a master negotiator right there, and I'm both impressed and terrified.

Being a parent means having a bottomless purse.

And then, when you take that stuff and bring it to her, she probably says something like "Oh, so that's where I put that." Including the kid, of course. That's just how it goes.

Always have to be honest.

One thing you can count on with kids is that, because they really don't know how to lie, they end up being a little too honest most of the time. I'm sure the kid meant well, though. Maybe.

Caught in a lie right away.

You have to love how innocent kids are. It means they're generally really bad liars, but they think they're good liars, which is somehow both hilarious and adorable. If only they stayed that way forever.

Times are changing too quickly!

To be fair, there's a good chance that by the time those kids are old enough to have their own cars, they might be electric. But I'm betting they'll still learn in gas cars. The future is so weird.