Becoming the primary caregiver to a newly disabled partner is a difficult transition, and it takes its toll on everyone, regardless of age. Things get more complicated when the disability leaves the sufferer vegetative.
The healthy party becomes physically and emotionally exhausted, and it never helps to make that person feel like they aren’t doing enough. This Reddit user shared her story, saying she’s been forced to leave her vegetative boyfriend because of mental exhaustion.
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Of course, she’s experiencing survivor’s guilt and needs fellow Redditors on the Am I The A-Hole thread to confirm she wasn’t morally wrong to choose herself.
OP Is In A Dilemma
Moving On Doesn’t Make Her Selfish
Based on the OP’s report, she dated her boyfriend since she was 19, six years ago, while he’s been in a vegetative state at the hospital since 2020. She said he was semi-comatose from a skiing accident and has been hospitalized since then.
Despite this incident, the young lady has been in and out of the hospital to visit him while juggling a full-time job. Her job meant she couldn’t visit as much as she liked, but she’s kept a clean sheet of four to five weekly visits for the last two years.
Recently, an opportunity to relocate and earn more money arose, and she’s considering taking it. Accepting it means no more visits to the ICU, and the change scares her. It doesn’t help that her would’ve-been mother-in-law is guilt-tripping her for moving on, so she wanted confirmation from strangers that she’s not being a jerk.
It Might Be Time To Move On
The Boyfriend Would Want Her To Be Happy
It’s A ‘No-Win’ Situation
Don’t Think About People’s Opinions
What Would You Rather Do?
If you’re reading this, lady, you’re not a jerk! You’ve done your bit and stayed by that young man for two years (that’s more than most young people would do.) It’s never easy choosing yourself when it seems selfish, but being self-centered isn’t always wrong.
There’s a way to end the internal debate, and it’s by answering some honest questions -“Would your rather stay stuck and end up miserable than decide years later to pull the plug?” Or would you choose yourself and make the most of your opportunities as your boyfriend no doubt wants (especially if he loved you)?”
There’s no room for What-Ifs in a progressive life, but what now and what’s next? The mother knows the truth and is only lashing out because it cements that her son may never become healthy again.
