Listen, if you’re going to joke about murdering me, at least have the decency to do it on the second date.
Now, I have to text all my friends your name and photo just to be safe.
What could possibly be a more nerve-wracking experience than combining a first date with a meet-the-parents dinner?
Yeah, no thanks, bud. That’s about 1,000 mph too fast for me.
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One minute, you’re swiping right, and the next thing you know, you’re looking at 25-to-life in a state penitentiary.
Alright, I know that’s not the sentence an unwitting robbery accomplice would receive, but still — be careful out there.
