If you’re feeling bored or lonely in the era of self-isolation, you’re not alone. Millions of people have been deprived of their favorite activities and are unable to socialize in-person with friends.
This ‘new normal’ might lead you to do something you wouldn’t have thought of before: participate in daily video calls, make new friends online, or even rekindle things with an old flame.
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Seriously, reach out to an ex?!
It sounds crazy, but this pandemic has done some weird stuff to romantic relationships.
Couples on the verge of breaking up are forced to self-isolate, new relationships are being put to the test, and, when it comes to old relationships, the grass may appear to be greener on the other side.
Dr. Gwendolyn Seidman has a few thoughts on the matter.
Dr. Seidman, who chairs the psychology department at Albright College, recently shared her thoughts in Psychology Today. She says part of the reason for this odd phenomenon can be attributed to terror management theory.
…terror management theory?
It’s a real thing . In short, the fear of death can spur people to find meaning in life. Naturally, the pandemic has a lot of people thinking about death. Extending this, one of the prime ways people find meaning in life is through relationships.
We’re in the middle of an existential crisis.
Seidman writes that current events might cause someone to look back at the past with nostalgia-tinted glasses.
Maybe your ex was bad for you, but your time with them also represents something we all ache to return to: normal, everyday life.
Boredom also plays a role.
We’re all dealing with boredom right now. Sure, you could use the extra time to learn a new skill or hobby. But many of us are using our extra time to reach out to people we haven’t spoken to in awhile…including exes.
Do you have an ex on the back burner?
Lots of people stay on good terms with an ex as a sort of insurance policy. Now, if there are no other prospects for romance or company on the table, some people may see this as the perfect time to cash in on that insurance policy.
The pandemic provides a convenient excuse.
Normally, reaching out to an ex out of the blue might seem like a weird move. But now, reaching out is a little more understandable. After all, if you’re regularly checking in with your parents and friends, why not add an ex to the mix?
Should you contact your ex?
“The first thing you need to do is ask yourself why you want to get in touch with your ex,” writes Seidman. “Are you bored or lonely and hoping for a short-term flirtation?”
Do they want to be contacted?
After asking yourself those questions, Seidman recommends assessing your ex’s response: do they want to be reached out to? Might they reject you?
It’s important to note, writes Seidman, that while your results may vary, there’s nothing inherently wrong with reaching out.
We’re living in a weird time.
This pandemic has forced all of us to re-assess our relationships and how they work. Maybe you should reach out to an ex and maybe you shouldn’t. Either way, COVID-19 is likely to be responsible for ending — and re-kindling — at least a few relationships.
h/t: Psychology Today
