I do not envy teachers.
While I do actually enjoy the process of passing my own knowledge to others and helping foster new understanding, the idea of doing it for a whole crowd of bored students is going to be a big ol’ nope from me.
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And that’s just the curriculum part. Once you add in the interpersonal dynamics, I’m just going to do my best to avoid the role at all costs.
Because even if someone’s technically just a math teacher, they are also always teaching their students about navigating social norms.
Teachers do that both through modeling professionalism and conscientiousness in their actions, and also through correction and discipline of students who do wrong.
It’s the discipline part where a lot of heated debates happen.
At what point is it appropriate for a teacher to do more than simply tell the disruptive student to settle down. The point at which a situation must be escalated is highly contentious.
Which is how one teacher ended up turning to the r/AmItheAsshole subreddit to ask for outside opinions on an argument she is having with her boyfriend.
The first very important detail is this: she teaches undergrads.
So her students aren’t children or even teenagers. They are young adults who presumably already have plenty of the education and experience required to know what sort of actions are appropriate.
The teacher explains that the incident happened during an end-of-semester class in which students were presenting their work to everyone.
When a young woman’s turn to present arrived, she stood to walk to the front of the room and suddenly a male voice exclaimed: “Holy s—! Those tits are huge!”
Everyone was stunned.
It took a moment for the incident to sink in, but the teacher was firm in her response.
“I immediately said to him, ‘Why would you ever say something like that? That’s completely unacceptable, you need to apologize and leave for the rest of the period,'” she describes.
He left and the rest of the class proceeded as normal, with the victim of the crude remark choosing to continue her presentation as normal.
This was the first time the teacher had ever had a disruption worse than texting in class, but she thought she’d done her best.
When the comment rang out, she had heard a lot of giggling and whispers from the other students, and she needed to stick up for the victim.
“The poor girl looked mortified, and there’s no way that’s something you can just sweep under the rug as the teacher.”
When she got home, she told her boyfriend what had happened, and was shocked when he said she was in the wrong.
He accused her of embarrassing the young man by making him leave, to which she argued that he had embarrassed the other student first and no one should have to do a presentation in front of someone who just harassed them.
“He said, ‘Oh Jesus not everything is harassment, yeah it was horrible timing but guys his age are still awkward and making mistakes.'”
May I remind you that the student in question is not a child. He’s an undergraduate.
She thinks his argument is ridiculous, since she simply did what the school’s guidelines said to: made him leave the room.
“There is no situation in a CLASSROOM where making a sexual remark about someone else is acceptable, ever. Let alone when it humiliates them right before they’re about to be everyone’s center of attention.”
Since her boyfriend obviously wasn’t listening to her arguments, she let the topic drop, but it’s been bothering her ever since.
The overwhelming majority of Redditors agreed that she is Not The Asshole (NTA) in this.
“NTA at all! I think you handled it well. That behavior is 110% unacceptable. Honestly, do you want this guy to be your boyfriend anymore? Because wow,” said RuthlessKittyKat.
To which the teacher replied, “Honestly I don’t think so, not if he really does prioritize the male student’s feelings over the female’s in this situation.”
Spoiler alert: he has since become her EX-boyfriend.
There was some back and forth in the comments about whether or not making the student leave the classroom was going too far.
SirChickenWing said , “It could’ve been harrasment [ sic ], but it could’ve also been a misstep or a misinterpretation of the social arena.”
Which started a whole argument about what “social arenas” exist where it would be okay to loudly comment on a person’s body like that.
Regardless, a classroom is not one of those.
However, after taking a break, SirChickenWing returned and apologized for sparking an argument he didn’t even really believe in.
“I’m not sure what was going on with me yesterday, but I don’t recognize that guy,” he said I realize condemning myself isn’t going to undo all the s— I wrote, but…yeah I’m pretty disappointed in myself right now. Sorry for the trouble.”
Props for acknowledging the mistake and learning from it. More people should do that.
Most importantly, multiple commenters noted that if the teacher is in the United States, she actually *under-reacted* to the issue.
Essentially, what the male student did is enough to merit a report to the Title IX office for sexual harassment.
Thankfully, the class is going virtual, so the teacher won’t have to figure out how to manage the harasser and victim being in the same room, but she has already checked the guidelines and started the process of escalating the issue.
“I will be making a formal Title IX report on him. I’ve been reading over my university’s policy on harassment and how faculty should report incidents. I have also emailed my department head.”
And yes, to the many commenters who recommended dumping the boyfriend for his “boys will be boys” attitude, she’s on it.
“Honestly I was pretty shocked to hear my boyfriend’s excuses for the boy in my class,” she said . “At the same time it’s the kind of constant wearisome bulls— I’m half-used to hearing just everywhere, and so the shock wasn’t enough to keep me from eventually just getting numb and being like whatever dude, I’m going to bed, not interested in this stupid argument.
“But that was in a way giving him a pass, just like he was essentially doing for the student.”
“Which is all to say that tomorrow he’s going to become my ex.”
The relationship had only been for six months so far, and from the way she talked about him, I got the impression that this wasn’t the first hint she’d had towards their incompatibility.
Often, many men *and* women end up thinking this sort of behavior is okay due to how often it is given a pass by people with authority.
If someone’s behavior is always brushed aside as a “phase” or whatever, they learn that it’s acceptable.
Windyorbits put it best in their comment: “You know what you did??? You broke that toxic af cycle. You didn’t give him a pass. You did exactly what you should’ve done.”
