Warning: I’m about to sound very snarky and incredibly ungrateful about being invited to weddings. Please proceed with caution, particularly if you happen to love weddings.
If I’m being honest, I really don’t look forward to getting wedding invites in the mail. Yes, I’m always excited when someone close to me decides to spend the rest of their life with someone else. I’m not a monster.
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But that joy always melts into dread when I discover I’ve been formally invited to spend an entire Saturday witnessing their love in action.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I hate love or anything.
I just kind of really, really hate weddings.
Especially if I don’t even know you that well, let alone your family and friends, so I end up spending most of the evening at the “extra people” table trying to get to know the other guests who got random invites.
While Brenda from the HR department at your work was definitely a hoot, neither she nor I really know why we were asked to attend.
At this point in my life, I’ve been to my fair share of weddings, and I kind of consider myself somewhat of an expert.
For instance, I know that if you’ve elected to host your ceremony and reception outside in the middle of July , I should probably wear my hair up and bring several hand fans because all I’m going to remember from that wedding is how badly I sweat through my dress.
And if it’s a wedding with plenty of elderly family members, I’m always prepared for a lackluster reception.
Sure, sometimes your mom’s aunt and uncles can get a few drinks in them and wind up carrying the party on their elderly shoulders themselves.
But more often than naught, it usually means the dance floor will stay completely empty while the DJ fruitlessly tries to encourage “all you party people to shake it!”
And finally, almost every wedding I’ve ever been to came with a follow-up invite for the viewing party of the dreaded wedding video.
Why yes, I would love to relive the exact same two-hour ceremony I had to sit through last month.
Is there time to watch it twice?
