Makeup can make you do wild things, like spend a quarter of your paycheck on eyeshadow or throw a massive tantrum and cancel plans because your eyeliner smudged.
Of course, I’m talking about me. I did those things.
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And if you’re guilty of one or more of the following acts, you, too, might be a makeup addict.
When you don’t have a shag rug but you can still exploit your cat’s obesity.
Sorry, PETA who?
It’s not like you’ve been feeding Whiskers the expensive cat food for nothin’.
Makeup > family, because priorities.
It would break your family’s heart if they knew you’d sell Gam-Gam for a limited edition Tom Ford bronzer brush.
But they simply haven’t experienced its natural bristle fibers.
Every ridiculous eyebrow trend imposed on society
These girls deserve to have their eyebrows taken away by social services.
Then, hopefully, they’ll find a nice home where they’re treated with respect.
The number of white T-shirts you ruined with your face is, to be completely honest, immeasurable.
You’d never admit it, of course. Not even under oath.
And all those white foundation-stained shirts at Forever 21? Wasn’t you, either?
You have zero consideration for other people’s time when you’re in Sephora.
I’m sorry, do these people have any idea how difficult is it to find the perfect foundation shade?
And no, you can’t just buy the same foundation as last time.
Everyone who made the #KylieJennerLipChallenge a thing
If we hadn’t entirely lost faith in our youth, the Kylie Jenner Lip Challenge made sure of that.
But, to be fair, the crime was also the punishment.
You’re either late or people are growing old waiting on you
Your man thinks you’re running late because you’re “baking” something for him.
You purposely left out the part about that something being your face.
You haven’t washed your makeup brushes in 84 years
Nah, a good rub on that eyeshadow/foundation/sparkle-stained washcloth will do the trick.
Or on the nearest towel. Or your forearm.
Literally, anything besides actually washing them will do.
Oh, and the gunk on your eyelash curler goes as far back as middle school
If you took a lab sample of that sludge, you’d probably find traces of your very first Maybelline Great Lash mascara.
Finally, the condition of your Beauty Blender is a downright disgrace
Excuse me, but I paid $30 for a sponge, and I’m going to use and abuse it until it literally disintegrates between my fingers.
You spilled glitter three years ago, and everything you own is still sparkling
It’s like a shimmering curse, and every person or thing you come in contact with is at the mercy of your glittery contagion.
Even your pets can’t escape your clumsiness
Riiight, it’s Meowington’s fault for rolling in the glitter you spilled on the floor (and never properly cleaned up) last week.
Hopefully, he likes galaxy makeup.
You’re always trying to give people makeovers
And when they politely decline, you set your sights on those who can’t speak for themselves.
Yeesh, how many cats are mistreated by makeup addicts?
This is becoming an epidemic.
Nobody — and I mean nobody — wants to be around you when this happens
There’s either going to be crying, screaming, or both.
It’s best that others just give you your space during this difficult time.
You’ve slept in your makeup despite the fact that it’s straight nasty
You’re aware that sleeping in your makeup is terrible for your skin.
Still, in the AM, you wipe the crusty mascara from under your eyes and go about your day.
You leave a trail of lipstick stains everywhere you go
You think of it as marking your territory.
And the restaurant dishwasher thinks Ronald McDonald may be dining in the front.
You get makeup stuck under your nails all the time
It’s pretty gross, but it won’t come out no matter how many times you wash your hands.
Luckily, your nails are painted.
When your fake eyelash addiction reaches a new low
We’ve hit some low points throughout this list, but I feel like we’ve now discovered a whole new sub-basement.
Needless to say, I feel ill.
Makeup powder + water = brick mortar.
When these two combine, they leave a tan-colored stain in the sink that stands up to everything but the most industrial-grade bathroom cleaner.
Most of your makeup products are covered in, well, themselves.
And then you have the audacity to wonder why your makeup bag is so dirty inside.
If you stuck your hand in there, it’d probably come out bronzed and sparkly.
“Take my makeup off before I work out? But it’s haaaard”
You can’t be wasting valuable energy trying to get off Kat Von D’s tattoo foundation.
That’ll take at least three minutes, wherein which you’ll lose all motivation.
You’ve walked around with your fair share of makeup stains
Dish soap is powerless against the 12-hour staying power of Tarte’s Amazonian Clay Foundation.
You know this. You accept this.
And you look like you didn’t do laundry.
You use (and abuse) your makeup brushes until they fall apart.
You don’t actually own a fan brush, that’s just a really old powder brush that has blended more makeup than it was ever — and wasn’t at all — intended for.
Makeup is your answer for everything
Don’t have a pen? Try lipstick.
Not sleeping well? Use concealer.
Can’t pay your rent? Buy more makeup to make yourself feel better.
Sometimes it’s called a #LifeHack, other times it’s called conflict avoidance.
You’re lowkey judging everyone else’s makeup
You’ve watched enough YouTube tutorials to know that’s not how you’re supposed to contour.
Although, honestly, you have trouble contouring yourself sometimes.
But no one has to know that.
You have little to no shame when it comes to expensive makeup
There are very few places I would knowingly leave a $40 lipstick behind.
A sinking ship or a burning building are the only exceptions.
You live for expensive product samples, despite how desperate it seems
You’d follow Pennywise into the sewer if he said there was a travel-sized Becca highlighter down there.
Correction: You live and die for samples.
These poor animals!
It’s like when toddlers want to try out makeup—they just want to see what it’s all about.
Were you wondering where your lipstick was?
Opened, on the bottom of your purse collecting all the crumbs, dust, and dirt it could!
Who hurt you, highlighter?
Talk about a boulevard of broken dreams!
Wow, did that taste good?
I’m sure cleaning up after this cute pooch wasn’t a cute sight.
Do you ever just casually rip out 50 eyelashes with an eyelash curler?
“Was curling my lashes when my dog suddenly went apeshit barking at my neighbor and startled the shit out of me,” this Redditor said.
And you derive pleasure from peeling off said nail polish
On the bus, at work, in the grocery store…wherever.
The disgusted stares are overshadowed by the satisfaction you get from picking off an entire nail in one go.
