Weddings are a big deal. Aside from what they symbolize, there’s really no limit to have lavish they can be.
But they don’t have to be like that. A recent r/AskReddit thread asked, “People who got married without having a big wedding: when you look back, was it the better choice?” . The responses provide some interesting food for thought.
You don’t need to break the bank.
“We paid about 2 grand total for our wedding, we married in a tiny little registry office which was nice and clean and the lady who married us was lovely, it wasn’t a big venue but it was big enough for our close family and friends.
“We rented the suits and that was the most expensive item, we got the bridesmaids dresses online for cheap, they all looked really nice and my wife looked lovely, her dress was second hand from eBay.”
You can always party hard later on.
“Absolutely no regrets. You always have the option to do the party/celebration for your anniversary/vows renewal etc down the line. We never felt the need though. Spend your money on something else forget the pomp of a big wedding. It’s a disgusting industry in my opinion. My pair of pennies anyway.”
– u/ed1099
Big weddings can be regrettable.
“I wanted a small wedding. Just immediate family and a couple friends at my parents’ home with a BBQ and water fun after. My mother insisted on the big deal. I hated it. The day was a torture for me.
“I regret giving in every time I think about it. The only part I am glad for is that I got married. I don’t have any wonderful memories of the day itself. I let my daughter have my wedding dress for a costume. It brought me more joy at Halloween than it did on my wedding day.”
Introverts might want a smaller event.
“This question really interests me because me and my fiancé are getting married next February and we’ve actually gone from “big party” to ‘small gathering of intimate people’ since we first started planning it.
“Mostly because neither of us is exactly ‘social’. He’s an introvert and the idea of a big party with people who we rarely see slowly became nauseating to us.”
Not too big, not too small.
“Do what feels right for you and your husband, and don’t worry about what anyone else wants. We had 40 people because we didn’t want to elope and didn’t want something huge.
“It was perfect for us. We were able to have a very nice party at a small venue for $2000. No regrets. Some people want a huge wedding, and that’s fine too.”
It’ll probably be a bit of a blur.
“I got married last year right before COVID. We had a fairly large wedding on a relatively tight budget. With some DIY you can save a lot of money. Was it worth it? Idk, the whole day was a blur and I probably could’ve taken it or left it, but my wife was happy with it.”
What might the guests want?
“As a consistent guest to weddings, I can happily say that the best and most memorable weddings for me are the smaller affairs.
“While I get the reasoning behind larger weddings, they seem to be more narcissistic affairs that either pay little heed to the celebration that involves the union of two people, or are affairs that have been pressured by other, narcissistic, members of the family.”
You can elope and still have a wedding.
“Me and the wife eloped to Gretna, just the two of us on a two day stay, came home and arranged the party two weeks later. Unfortunately it was the day before the first lockdown and only 45 folk turned up, we had a ball.”
– u/wisbit
You can also just elope, full stop.
“I eloped abroad with only two witnesses (one who married us and his girlfriend) we had a fantastic time walking around a new city, exchanged vows in the park and were already at our honeymoon destination.
“Had a fantastic week, saved a ton, had a reception thrown by parents.”
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Party in the park.
“Zero regrets. We got married in our favorite park by a JoP. Didn’t send out invites just told everyone the date and time and told them to show up if they could. Did like aFB announcement too.
“We were super shocked with the big turn out and it was people we never expected to show. It was an amazing experience as the guest list was a surprise.”
The marriage matters more than the wedding.
“Seven years ago me and my husband married in my village’s church and we had a small reception for our 15 guests at my parents beach house. We are introverts and even this much attention was a bit much. Honestly, we where not intrested [ sic ] in the wedding, we were more focused on being married.”
Be selective with guests.
“We got married 6 years ago. We had a smallish outdoor wedding. It was absolutely the better choice, and my husband and I will always feel this way. The only thing we regret is inviting the judgemental family members who made snide comments about the secular and non-traditional nature of our wedding.”
The memories are what matters.
“We didn’t have a big wedding, less than 10 people were in attendance. We don’t regret it at all.
“A lot of people spend so much on a wedding it could be a down payment on a house or the cost of some college degrees.
“It’s not about how big or expensive, it’s about making a memory that can last a lifetime.”
– u/leek54
Sometimes it’s just too much work.
“My husband and I spent a few days trying to plan a large wedding when we both said “forget this, lets just go to the Justice Of The Peace”. It was just us with our mothers as wittiness.
“We have been happily married for 7 years and we have never once regretted our choice.”
Manage your stress levels.
“I have no regrets. My original dress would have cost more than what we ended up spending on everything for the entire day when we eloped. Our parents were with us and it wasn’t stressful. We had a party a month later that also wasn’t stressful.”
Costs can spiral out of control.
“Let me give you the other side…me and wifey wanted to get a simple marriage ceremony. Either of us didnt have much money saved.
“Our families overrode that..what happened was a 5 day fiesta that fed and entertained about 800 of our combined extended family, post which we didn’t have anything left, my sisters put in more money than I would have earned in an year, her father had to take a loan for their side.
“So the toll of this 5 day extravaganza was about 3 years worth of salary.”
Why waste time with a long engagement?
“I think big weddings are a huge waste of money. My husband and I decided to get married on Thursday and got married on Saturday. Just immediate family and a couple of close friends. Never regretted it. Been married 41 years.”
Just the two of us.
“We got married last year in the Maldives. Just the two of us. It was a moment we shared together which I will never forget and always cherish.
“If going for a big wedding is your thing, go for it. For me personally though I would not have wanted it any other way!”
Keep it casual.
“We had a fairly small wedding. 15-30 people? I don’t remember. It was all very close family and friends. Our ceremony was 5-10 minutes then we had dinner at a local restaurant and then all went to a bar to have drinks outside on the patio late into the night.”
Pool party!
“My husband and I eloped in our hometown. My sister was the witness and we had a pool party with our immediate families afterwards. We got take out and cupcakes and wine. It was a fantastic day and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”
