When it comes to raising children, every parent has their own way of doing things. Some parents stick to the social “norms”, and follow the traditions and rules they grew up with. Some parents like to buy trucks and army men for their sons, while they buy their daughters dolls and dresses. In today’s day and age, though, other parents are opting to change things up when it comes to typical gender norms.
Some parents really feel strongly about gender roles.
When kids are little, they like to experiment with things. Boys will try on their mom’s shoes, and girls will wear their dad’s hats and glasses. Sometimes, they just want to play around.
There are parents who find this to be “unsettling.”
Sometimes, parents want their children to stick to the “gender roles” they were given, including staying within the confinements of how that gender dresses and looks.
Then, there are parents who allow their kids to be who they want to be and wear what they want to wear.
No matter the looks they receive or the judgments they get, more parents are allowing their children to do whatever makes them happy — even if it doesn’t follow the “norm”.
One mom recently posted about her decision to allow her son to buy “sparkly shoes.”
Mom Kristin Smysniuk shared her Facebook post, starting off with:
“This. This is what a happy child looks like! And typing this is a mother who keeps her heart open to learn.
Today we went to get new school shoes. Something that Elliot and Bennett hate, and Sawyer and I LOVE. Shoe shopping? Hello? Does anything get better than that, I think not.”
Kristin said that Sawyer always had a history with shoes. So, when they go shoe shopping, she pays careful attention to things.
“I watch his body language. Study his face. Watch where he is pulled to and where he ultimately ends up going.
As we walked toward the shoe section, I was keenly aware that we would be passing the ‘girls’ racks before we got to those intended for ‘boys.’
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As we walked past the rack with the killer pink, purple, sparkle, and metallics I watched Sawyer’s face.”
The mom asked her son if he wanted to go back to the section labeled ‘girls’ that had all the bright colors and styles.
“I asked multiple times if he’d like to stop, if there was anything he’d like to check out or try on, but he remained shy to let loose. And so, he made his way to the ‘boy section.’
Shoe after shoe. Style after style. The process was the same. Slip them on, walk around, and then, when asked what he thought, he would shrug his little shoulders and say, ‘They’re okay, I guess,'” she wrote.
Kristin said she realized something major.
“And every time I watched his reactions, drew myself a little closer to his eyes, I was struck by how early we are taught who we are and are not supposed to be. What is made for us and what is not. What we are permitted to find appealing and what we are not.”
Kristin had many doubts about whether or not she should go back to the sparkly shoes, wondering if her son would be made fun of.
But, instead, she decided to let all of that go.
“So, with that, I found the sparkly, holographic high tops he’s had his eyes on and I prayed they had his size.
Then, I scooped them up and walked around the corner … “look what they have in your size, Bear!” Then it came. All the good stuff.
The fireworks. The laughter. The smiles. The excitement.
THE EXHALE. The powerful release from holding his breath. The profound freedom that came with feeling validated and really SEEN.
We tossed those suckers in the cart faster than you can imagine and ended up even getting a second pair of pink and black shoes to use for indoor. Then, we happily collected the rest of our items at Walmart with him excited to get home because, ‘He knows a shirt and tie that will go perfect with them’. And my heart was happy.
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, it’s not about the shoes. It’s about challenging the narratives that the world has ingrained in us. It’s about challenging the status quo and being who we are instead of who the world thinks we should be.
It’s about showing our children the power of knowing oneself fully and completely and providing the space and the freedom for them to be exactly who they are,” she said in her post.
People online were commending Kristin for embracing her son and allowing him to be who he is.
Many parents were saying how awesome it is that Kristin is letting Sawyer be who he wants to be. Other parents shared their own experiences with their own children wanting to branch out of their “gender norms.”
What do you think? Is it time to start rethinking how we approach children’s styles?
