Have you ever had to subject yourself to a bad movie ; is there anything worse? Not only are they disappointing but what’s worse is they wind up being a total waste of time.
But they don’t have to be. I’m here today to tell you that with a little foresight and intuition, you too can learn the skills to identify bad movies before they happen. Have a look and see!
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When a film franchise recasts characters instead of killing them off.
Do they seriously expect us not to notice? I mean no disrespect toward Maggie Gyllenhaal’s performance, but it was painfully obvious that she wasn’t Katie Holmes in The Dark Knight .
Terrible CGI.
Remember when Henry Cavill was shooting Justice League and Mission: Impossible – Fallout simultaneously and Joss Whedon tried to cover up the fact that Henry had a powerful stache with CGI? Thank god Zack Snyder returned to finally set things right.
When three or more trailers are released.
The worst perpetrators of this offense tend to be action movies or blockbuster franchise films. I remember thinking that by the time the first Transformers film hit theaters that I’d already seen a condensed version of the film in trailer form.
An overabundance of explosions.
Special effects and pyrotechnics can certainly add an element of excitement to a movie, but at the end of the day, we’re here to watch a film — not a fireworks display.
Do you hear me, Michael Bay ? I’m talking to you.
If the movie went direct-to-video/streaming platforms.
I didn’t need to sit through all of Aladdin: The Return of Jafar or Free Willy: Escape from Pirates Cove to know that they weren’t going to live up to the legacy of their predecessors. It’s basically a production company’s way of telling their audience “You will regret watching this.”
When you can figure out the entire plot of the movie from the trailer.
Sometimes movies give away too much. I remember thinking even before I’d had a chance to see Shutter Island that I’d already formulated some pretty strong theories on how the movie would eventually shake out.
When one character explains something painfully obvious to someone else.
In The Dark Knight when Rachel Dawes is interrogating Lau with Harvey Dent watching through the glass, he exclaims ” RICO ” to James Gordon and calls in Rachel.
Dent then proceeds to explain what a RICO trial is to both James and Rachel, even though they both would/should have already known to what he was referring to.
If it involves an animal eating someone.
The clear and only real exception to this law is Jaws . Other than that, animal horror films don’t tend to do very well. Try and recall movies like Anaconda , Lake Placid , and my personal favorite — Deep Blue Sea .
When a movie is described as being the “scariest” or “funniest” movie of the year.
Think about it for a second: when was the last time you saw a trailer for a horror movie and it wasn’t described as being “the scariest movie of the year/decade/all time?” While it’s certainly true in the rarest of circumstances, it can’t be true all the time.
If it happens to star Steven Seagal.
Run; run as fast as you can. Whatever you do, no matter who may try to convince you otherwise — never watch a Steven Seagal film.
How this bloated Bruce Lee wannabe ever convinced anyone that he was an action-star is beyond me.
Pointless female nudity.
I would go as far as to say that all nudity in films is pointless. Not only that, it’s incredibly awkward. I remember watching Ali with my mother and nana one time and that sex scene literally felt like it lasted forever.
When a film is overly complicated.
Don’t get me wrong, I love a good mystery or a mind-bending psychological thriller. But when a movie tries to be overly complicated for no other reason other than to intentionally manipulate and confuse the audience, it often doesn’t go over well.
If the movie happens to be a live-action remake of a Disney classic.
There’s always an exception that proves the rule, and The Jungle Book is certainly that. But movies like The Lion King and Aladdin are almost to the point of being unwatchable.
When a film is advertised with a shocking twist-ending.
This causes filmgoers to immediately start playing detective. Right away, they know not to trust anything that they’re being shown as fact.
Also, if the audience already knows that the rabbit is in the hat before the magician pulls it out, then what’s the point?
Whenever Adam Sandler releases a new movie.
Before you try to throw Unct Gems in my face, let me remind you that before that film came along Adam Sandler had already subjected his audience to The Ridiculous 6 , The Do Over , and The Week Of .
It’s almost like he just doesn’t care anymore.
