There are two kinds of people in this world: those who have kids and those who do not have kids. Whether it’s because they aren’t at that stage in life or they’ve just decided to not have kids, sometimes, people who don’t have children struggle to truly understand those who do.
Often, a little empathy and understanding are important when there are conflicts between these two groups. One Reddit user recently asked for advice after having a conflict with a new family in their apartment building.
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The person wrote into Reddit to discuss an ongoing issue they have had with their neighbors.
Reddit user u/maybeicul8r posted into the popular “Am I The Asshole?” thread to discuss some problems that they’ve been encountering with their neighbors and their neighbors’ children.
The Reddit user lives in an apartment building, which has been rather quiet for years.
“Building has been chill and quiet the last 8 years we’ve lived here. Family with small children (both under the age of 5) moved in a unit one floor up a couple weeks ago,” they wrote.
Things have changed since the family moved into the building.
“Ever since then I’ve heard their morning ritual of Child 1 shouting ‘Nooooo’ or ‘don’t wanna’ or a combination of both on their way to daycare. Plus/minus Child 2 screaming.”
The user said the noise and yelling can be heard all day long.
“Most afternoons/evenings don’t go by without Child 1 shouting ‘Moooooom Moooooom Moooooom’ constantly in the hallway.
“Given that the building is old we hear this shite inside our unit even with the doors/windows shut,” they said.
In pre-war buildings, it’s hard to not hear things between the walls and the floors. Eventually, this neighbor had had enough of the screaming.
“I just had enough today and while Child 1 was doing its evening mom-shout on our floor up towards theirs, in what seemed like it lasted way longer than usual, I totally just opened the door, told the kid to shut up, and closed it again. I didn’t swear or use any bad words, just so that’s said,” the Reddit user said.
Later on, the child’s parents were not happy and approached the Reddit user, asking them to apologize.
“Parents then later came to our door to get me to come [and] apologize to the child, I didn’t want to, and we disagreed on it being normal to raise kids to understand not to shout like that in the common stairway area,” they said.
The Reddit user admitted that they did feel a little bad for the strict tone of voice, but ultimately was frustrated with the lack of consideration for others who live in the building.
“Ok so I did feel bad for having a strict tone of voice at a child not my own, but after speaking to the parents it didn’t seem like they saw the problem of their child acting as such. They almost made it seem like I wasn’t sympathetic to what it’s like with kids,” they said.
The Reddit user then asked if they were in the wrong for sternly telling the kid to shut up, and people on Reddit had mixed views.
Some said that they were, “not the asshole” in this situation as the kids were completely rude and disrespectful to those who live in the building.
The user even agreed that they could have addressed their problems with the parents first.
“[I] [c]an understand that I maybe should’ve spoke [sic] with the parents first (which was a plan I had in my head before it just boiled over today), but isn’t [it] normal to teach children to respect common areas and use an ‘inside voice’…?”
However, the user explained that the parents disagreed that their children were being noisy, which made the user reluctant to apologize.
“Yes, easier said than done, but that they didn’t even agree with me on that was what made me not want to apologize,” they said.
Others agreed, saying similar things.
“Hearing other people is just part of living in an apartment building, especially older apartment buildings. There was no need to talk to the kid like that. You could and should have talked to the parents,” another user said.
One user who commented said children need to be spoken to sternly if they are doing something wrong.
“And you should do it again if the child persists. They aren’t outside. They aren’t in a play area. Screaming is disrespectful to people who live there. If they plan to be that way to you, then you have every right to do the same.
“I’m not sure when it became bad manners to talk sternly to children. No wonder they just get more and more disrespectful,” one user wrote.
Many people agreed that the family should be a bit more considerate.
Some even gave advice on how to handle the situation further.
“We put a complaint in with our building manager about our neighbors’ loud kids. They’ve been pretty quiet ever since. If they continue, I would recommend that. And if the building manager doesn’t co-operate I would threaten to move out. If you’ve been a good resident for the years you’ve been there, they wouldn’t want to lose you,” one person suggested.
One person, however, said that it was wrong for the neighbor to approach the child, and they should have spoken with the parents instead.
“Nothing was accomplished by yelling at a small child. The grown-up thing to do is speak to the parents first. But yelling [at a] child who’s simply being a child, is unnecessary,” the user wrote.
Overall, this user was deemed “not the asshole” by the Reddit community.
They did add an update to their post to further explain a few key points:
“However, I mostly [reacted] to the fact that the parents didn’t think it was rude for a child to make so much noise, almost daily, in the common areas. From my perspective, I would have been scolded by my parents if I acted in that same way as the child.”
What about you? Do you think the neighbor was in the right?
