It goes without saying that parents want what’s best for their kids, and want to do whatever they possibly can to set them up for success in life .
For parents who have biological kids as well as adopted kids, does this still apply? Do all kids deserve the same treatment, regardless of whether they’re adopted or not?
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All of these questions came into play in one particularly heartbreaking Reddit post.
“Am I the [jerk] for treating my adopted children the same as my biological child?”
The post explains that OP and his wife, Ami, have three kids: biological son Ethan, along with adopted son and daughter Aiden and Gracie. Because both Ethan and Aiden are 16, there’s been a lot of talk about college lately.
Each kid has an equal college fund.
OP says that, thanks to a generous inheritance, he’s been able to create college funds for each kid.
“The more the boys talk about college, the more Ami gets upset with how much money it’s going to cost,” he wrote.
“This all ended up in a huge argument.”
The long and short of it is that Ami is willing to give her biological son a full ride in college, but is only willing to partially fund college for her adopted children.
OP pushed back, saying that all three kids deserve to be treated well, regardless of biology.
It’s OP’s inheritance to spend.
“I told her it was my inheritance and I can do what I want with it and I wanted to make sure the kids had a good start to life,” wrote OP. “She said that she deserves stuff too and me spending all the money on the kids means she doesn’t get what she wants.”
It’s literally broken up the family.
Ami stormed out of the house, leaving OP wondering whether he was in the right or the wrong. He provided some updates, stating that the adoption was Ami’s idea in the first place “as it was her cousin and his wife that were losing custody of the kids.” OP also pays the mortgage and bills, and the house is in his name.
“I don’t think I can be with her anymore as I can’t see how she can repair the relationship with the kids.”
OP and Ami did meet up, and Ami apologized. She said she was in the wrong and acknowledged that she has issues she’s working on.
“She did say that she hates that Ethan is so close to Aiden and it was ruining her child,” OP wrote. “Obviously I will never tell either of the boys that and it did prove to me that Aiden and Gracie may be her problem.”
Ami has moved to Canada to live with her mom.
So who’s in the right here?
Spoiler alert: OP has been verified as not being a jerk. Almost every commenter applauded for giving his kids equal treatment, and said that Ami was being selfish for wanting the money to be spent on her instead.
A word of advice to OP…
“Make sure the money is in funds that are tied directly to each child and that your wife doesn’t have access,” wrote one commenter . “You may even want to talk to a lawyer about how to make sure the money is not touchable in a divorce settlement if it comes to that. I do not trust someone who could think and speak that way about children they have been raising for a decade.”
Your inheritance, your rules.
“Your inheritance to do with as you please. Your adopted children ARE your children and you owe them just as much of your love and resources,” wrote another , before adding, “But make sure you are making sound financial decisions. I wouldn’t suggest paying off the mortgage early (at least if the interest rate is from 1-4 years ago), but cover your retirement before children’s college.”
What’s your take on all this?
If you had adopted children as well as biological children, do you think you could treat them all equally? Are fights like this inevitable in families with adopted kids? Be sure to share your thoughts in the comments section.
