When it comes to TV and electronics, many parents opt to use ” parental controls ” on their children’s devices and Internet applications to prevent them from seeing adult content. With the Internet being such a crazy place, many parents want to keep their kids safe and secure while online.
Other parents want to limit the amount of time that kids spend on their electronics , as many kids are on them for hours at a time.
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One mom recently wrote into Reddit seeking advice on her use of parental controls.
The mom shared that her three kids, age 10, 15, and 17, all have parental controls on their devices.
These controls limit their access to specific content and also has a timer that is up at 8PM, so they can’t be online all night.
The mom said that her 17-year-old has “more loose restrictions.”
Unlike her younger children, the mom shared that her daughter’s parental controls are pretty loose.
She can use all social media and the mom does not track her content use. However, it does time out at 8 PM like her other children.
Her daughter asked if she could have her parental controls taken off, as she is 17.
The mom said they did a “trial.”
“She has a history of depression (we started using parental controls like this when she was in therapy under the advisement of her treatment team) and over the five weeks she had them disabled she began isolating, staying up all night, not doing things she enjoys, and falling asleep in online class,” the mom said.
After the trial was a fail, the mom put the restrictions back on.
“I put them back on, had her go back to see her therapist, and she quickly went back to her old self (straight A student who is asleep by 10, reads multiple books a week, runs track/cross country, volunteers, and plays in the orchestra). She contends I overreacted and she was fine,” the mom said.
Her daughter is unhappy with this, as she is going to be 18 and going to college in the fall.
“After putting some thought into it, I told her I would be willing to negotiate some changes (like a later “bedtime”) but that as long as I was paying for her internet and cell phone I would continue to use the controls, even after she turns 18, if I felt she needed them.
Of course she is free to pay for her own internet or phone plan, but as she currently doesn’t work for pay this isn’t an option,” the mom said.
Her daughter claims that the mother is “infantilizing” her.
Her daughter also called her aunt and asked to move in with her, as her mother is completely “treating her like a child.”
The mother asked Reddit if she was “wrong” for the way in which she feels and decided to react with her daughter.
Many people online agreed with the daughter, saying the mother was wrong.
“You using the fact that you pay for the bill is manipulative in this case. Your need to control her is probably putting more strain on her mental health than not having parental controls.
You are infantilizing her. She is mature enough to take HS and College classes at the same time. It seems like you just want to maintain control out of a misguided belief that you are helping her. When kids get to be her age, autonomy, privacy and trust is important and you are going to push her away,” one commenter shared.
Others said how will she explain to her college professors?
“She will be 18, old enough to vote, buy cigs, join the military but she won’t have unlimited access to the internet? Yikes…I would be so embarrassed if I had to explain to my college professors that I couldn’t finish an assignment because my mom restricts my internet usage “for my own well being…,” another added.
Another added that her depression may stem from this parenting style.
“I’d be depressed if I had a parent that was trying to control my every move and thought. Stop pathologising everything your daughter does outside of your narrow scope of what is normal or right. You’re treatng your daughter like a machine that has to get everything right all of the time. You’re creating huge problems for her in her future,” another person added.
Do you agree with Reddit or the mom?
