A mom on Reddit recently faced criticism for a decision she made involving her ten-year-old daughter.
The issue? OP made a request that her daughter, going on a class trip, not share a room with a special needs girl in her class.
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Is she right or wrong? Let’s let the jury of Reddit decide.
“Am I the [jerk] for asking that my daughter not share a room with a special needs kid?”
You can read OP’s post right here , but we’ll give you a breakdown: OP has two kids, ten-year-old Izzy and Luke, whose age isn’t given (both names, understandably, are pseudonyms).
Luke is on the autism spectrum and, as such, older sister Izzy is well-versed in dealing with neuro-atypical kids.
“[Izzy] has developed saintly patience and a knack for helping special needs kids.”
Thanks to her experience with Luke, Izzy is great with special needs kids. One special needs kid in her class, Maisy, is also on the autism spectrum. Naturally, Izzy has been helpful to Maisy. Because of this, their teacher asked Izzy to room with Maisy on an upcoming class trip.
Izzy agreed to the request.
She wanted to help, but had second thoughts. Izzy “came home crying, saying that she didn’t want to be with Maisy, because she wanted a break from having to ‘be stressed so others can be happy,'” explained OP.
OP’s heart went out to her daughter, and she instantly understood where Izzy was coming from.
OP requested that Izzy not room with Maisy.
“I contacted the teacher, who is aware of the situation with Luke, who agreed that letting Izzy have a break would be a good thing,” wrote OP.
When Maisy’s mom found out, though, she was disappointed. According to OP, Maisy’s mom went on a tirade about how Izzy was abandoning her.
“[Maisy’s mom] is now considering pulling Maisy out of the trip.”
This is an unfortunate development, but OP is sticking to her guns. “I feel so bad that my daughter has had a rough ride, and frankly want to give her a chance to be a little girl instead of an adult,” she explained.
OP’s husband is on the same page, so they’re able to present a united front. But she still has second thoughts.
“My husband thinks that it is the school and Maisy’s mum’s job, not Izzy’s, to accommodate her, but her comments are ringing in my head,” OP wrote. “I know exactly how Maisy’s mum feels, and how much it sucks, yet am not doing the one thing to alleviate her pain.”
Was OP in the right?
We’re going to spoil this a bit for you: after much deliberation, the subreddit has declared her “Not the [jerk].” But it’s still rather illuminating to delve into the responses.
Izzy just wants a break.
The top comment noted that OP isn’t the one directly helping Maisy, Izzy is. In this case, Izzy wants a break, and her mom is clearly sensitive to this.
What’s more, continuing to pair the girls up isn’t a good long-term strategy for either of them, one commenter pointed out. “Pairing students so that an unhealthy codependent relationship is formed so that one student succeeds while the other struggles is NOT an accommodation,” they wrote . “Forcing another student to be an accommodation for a student is setting the student up for failure.”
“This trip seems like a terrible idea for Maisy.”
Another commenter whose daughter has similar issues to Maisy’s points out that it’s going to be tough for Maisy to cope, even if she has a trusted friend with her. After all, class trips can be a nightmare for kids with separation anxiety.
Maybe OP’s a jerk after all?
One commenter (very gently) suggested that OP’s a jerk, but for different reasons: she’s put a lot on her daughter for letting her to take on a caregiver role at such a young age. “You’ve pushed a lot on your daughter. She’s a child! You never should have encouraged her to take on a caregiver role and you need to stop it now,” they wrote.
The verdict is in.
It’s hard to find a dissenting voice here. While the idea of keeping your kid away from a special needs kid might sound bad at first blush, it’s hard to be against OP after reading the full story. Check out the original thread and let us know your thoughts in the comments.
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