They always say that kids don’t come with an instruction manual and that only scratches the surface for what kinds of challenges parents can face day in and day out.
And those who have run the gamut of raising kids can often come away with a lot of things they learned the hard way during that messy process. Some of these lessons can come in handy , some encourage giving other parents some leeway while they’re trying to navigate the same challenges you may have, and some are legitimately lifesaving .
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And while you’re not likely to find a parent who likes being told how to raise their kids, some pieces of advice are good to consider when you’re trying to foster a healthy and long-lasting relationship with the little ones.
And as far as one mom is concerned, letting go of three common things you’re likely to hear parents say can go a surprisingly long way to accomplishing that.
Before she shared her list of three things she never says to her kids, a TikTok user named Destiny Ann admitted that she’s kind of stretching the definition of “never.”
What she means is that these are things she makes a conscious effort not to say and largely succeeds.
And the one she starts with is practically a cliche at this point, but it has a lot of variations.
Whether it’s “I’m the adult, you’re the child” or “listen to me because I said so,” she makes a point not to talk that way.
As she put it, “I don’t have to belittle you to get you to listen to me, I’m more creative than that.”
Instead, she tries to reassure her child that a decision they don’t agree with or understand is for their benefit by saying things like “You can trust mommy. I promise, I’ve got your back.”
And while this may seem counter-intuitive, she avoids telling children they did a good job when they accomplish something.
That’s not to say that she doesn’t try to make them feel that way, but that she gets more specific about what she likes about what they’re doing and why she’s proud of them.
As she said, “It shows my kids I really am present with them and it is great for our relationship.”
For instance, if her child drew a picture, she might talk about how she likes how they mixed the colors or that they drew two bunnies instead of one.
She also said that it’s not particularly helpful to parents or children to tell them to stop crying.
Both kids and adults are going to cry and there isn’t much either of them can do about it in the moment.
So instead, she recommended asking them why they’re crying or — better yet — asking them what they need when she notices the tears.
That way, it encourages both parties to focus on the solution and it makes it easier to figure out whether they need a Band-Aid, a nap or just a hug.
Destiny Ann goes into more detail in the video available here so have a look and see if what she’s saying resonates with you.
