When it comes to families and parenting, having a blended family can be complicated for some people. Blended families are when two people bring together their children from a previous marriage or relationship to create a new one.
Some parents really know how to make it work and raise wonderful children together with a whole lot of love. However, there are some people who have a few issues and obstacles to tackle in their blended lives.
For some, embracing their stepchildren is something that comes naturally.
Many couples embrace the children from previous marriages and look forward to creating a bigger, more inclusive family with everyone.
However, there are some who are not as excited.
Then, of course, there are some parents who struggle when it comes to building a relationship with their stepchildren —especially when they begin to have their own biological children with their spouse.
Recently, one mother wrote into Reddit seeking advice on an issue her “blended family” was having.
The mom, who has two stepdaughters and one biological daughter, found out she was pregnant with her second child. She wanted to create a pregnancy announcement to send to her friends and family, as few people know she is pregnant.
She has been with her partner for five years, so she has known her stepdaughters for quite a while.
“I have been in a relationship with my partner for 5 years. He has 2 daughters from a previous relationship (9&10yo) and we had [our] first daughter together about 1 1/2 [years] ago.
“I found out I was pregnant a few months ago and have been putting off making any baby announcements. I’m due in 3 months and the only people that know are our parents / siblings,” she wrote.
The mom decided to take some photos of her biological daughter in a “big sister” shirt.
“I decided to order a ‘big sister’ shirt for my daughter and snapped a few pictures to send to my extended family (aunts/uncles/cousins) . The pictures came out cuter than I expected, and I asked [my partner] if it was okay with him if I posted them to social media,” she wrote.
Her husband was uncomfortable that his two older daughters were not in the photos.
He said it made him feel like he had, “two separate families.”
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“I pointed out that, in a way, he does. All four of the girls are his daughters, but they aren’t all mine. The older girls are very close to their mom, and I explained to him, that although they are part of our family, I am not their mom and they will never view me as such, and being a step-mom is very different than being a mom,” she added.
The woman said she felt “upset” because her husband isn’t acknowledging that he truly does have two families — two kids with one woman and two with another.
She asked if she was “wrong” or acting like an asshole for not including the stepdaughters in her photos and not thinking it was that big of a deal.
Many people on Reddit ripped into this mom and her choice.
One user pointed out that this mother is the one who is making the families seem “separate.”
“He wants [his] older girls to be included with his younger girls. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. By keeping them separate, YOU’RE the one pretending you don’t have a blended family. You have to be together to blend,” she said.
Others said she’s putting a huge strain on everyone.
“You’re implying that because they’re not your daughters they won’t also be big sisters. You’re almost excluding them on purpose because they aren’t yours and have a mother-daughter relation with their mom and that your 1 1/2 y/o is the only one deserving of the T-shirt and picture because she’s the one with that relationship to you. This would probably cause a divide to be bigger between your stepchildren and your children and put MORE strain on your husband. Don’t be that person,” they wrote.
Many asked why this woman would marry a man with children if she wasn’t looking to blend their family.
“Why marry a man who has children, if you don’t consider them to be part of your family? [You’re the asshole] because imagine being a child in a family when your new mom only wants photos of the children she has birthed from her body alone? I feel bad for those kids and your husband is right,” the person said.
One Reddit user said there’s a big reason the older girls may be closer with their mom.
“When you decided [to] be with him and have children with him, you became one family, he doesn’t have 2 separate families at all.”
“[T]he eldest girls might not share your blood and DNA, but they do with your other children…
“The girls are probably closer to their mum because you won’t even give them a chance,” they said.
There was a Reddit user who said she “understands” where this mom is coming from.
To some extent…
“I see where you are coming from to a certain extent. You’re not their mum, but when you married their dad you signed up to be a part of their family. And this baby will definitely be their family. The girls are so young – if you don’t treat them like big sisters, they won’t FEEL like big sisters,” the Reddit user said.
Reddit users with step families also chimed in.
“I have a different dad than my 2 younger sisters. I was pushed aside when they came and it got to the point that I was completely alienated from the family and don’t speak to any of them anymore. I’m 32 now, and that stuff stays with you. I can’t stand stepparents that don’t consider stepchildren their own.
“Separating them from your real children isn’t a good idea, and I would recommend fixing your attitude towards them immediately,” one person said.
Another Reddit user said they were that child in a “blended family” as well.
“I was one of those kids in such ‘blended family’. Your thoughts are creating barriers between these kids that wouldn’t be there otherwise. Such a shame,” they said.
One person got right to the point with their criticism.
Someone on Reddit simply wrote:
“You’re the asshole from the moment you didn’t order 3 big sister t-shirts.”
What do you think?