Looking snatched all by ourselves is not easy.
It can be difficult to imagine a world where having a glam squad and stylist is just par for the course. Imagine having a hair stylist on demand for every single big event? Think class, grocery shopping, the gym — WHAT A DREAM!
But don’t worry you guys, I got you. These makeup and beauty tips will have you looking red carpet ready in no time.
1. Omg! I just hate when this happens. I’m, like, so embarrassing.
UGH! Don’t you just hate when a pic like this accidentally gets sent to your sugar daddies? Oops — I’m so clumsy.
2. We don’t love melted makeup unless it’s a Too Faced Melted Matte Lipstick situation.
Garmet bags may seem like a waste of money, but look! They’re saving the makeup DAY!
3. To be honest, no one will notice your gorgeous and expensive eyelash extensions if your stomach is obnoxiously growling.
The solution? PIZZA! Duh.
Pizza is often the solution for many life problems.
Fluffy, glamorous new lash extensions and a gorgeous pizza glow? Talk about the perfect storm!Pizza is the key to beauty y’all! You heard it here first.
4. Do you want that effortless look? The look like you didn’t even try at all? Well, honey, I have the solution for you…
Almost burning your house to the ground simply shows you have that chic, laidback west coast vibe. It’s just a house after all, right? #GoodVibesOnly
It’s called commitment to the glam, y’all.
5. Now, let’s say you burn your hair instead of your house. Don’t worry babe, we’ve got a solution for that, too!
We all know our college degrees are basically useless, so why not at least utilize the graduation cap tassel?!
6. Bonding with our aestheticians is a great way to make sure they put extra time and effort into our treatments, right?!
WRONG! It’s a total trap, and we end up with a botched Brazilian wax!
7. You know what else our aestheticians and lash technicians just friggin’ love? Being disrespected by people and their awful proposals.
“Barter? Lol”
Get lost, honey. Come back when you’re ready to shower me with champagne, a platter of oysters, and a platter of pearls (preferably not colored)!
8. Want to get on your lash technician’s good side? Ask them to reimburse the Uber you voluntarily took to get to the appointment.
Who asks someone to do this? What planet is this person living on? TAKE THE BUS, BOO BOO.
9. You know how the secret ingredient in your favorite home-cooked meal is love? This is kinda like that, but with makeup.
Have your furry friend cuddle with your makeup brushes to ensure a gorgeous face beat.
10. Who says eyeshadow is just for the face?
Why should our creativity be limited to just two eyelids? What about our two butt cheeks? Your face doesn’t have to be the only thing that looks snatched, sis!
Just kidding! Morphe eyeshadow palettes aren’t that cheap!
And now y’all are out here using them as CHAIR CUSHIONS?! Absolutely not. I would be SO UPSET! What a waste! What a tragedy!
11. Oh, you don’t have a full snorkeling mask just chilling in your bathroom? What kind of animal are you?
What a great way to scare your parents/siblings/significant other/neighborhood children, and protect your lashes!
12. Don’t want to lose your double set of $6.99 lashes? Well, what do you think they invented mirrors for, boo boo?
Any flat surface is a perfectly suitable home for your lashes. Work smart, not hard, amirite?
13. Note to self: always carry baby wipes for excess lipstick swatches and/or to scare people and make them think it’s the messy clean up of a MURDER.
Spooky and snatched? Yes, pls!
14. I don’t know if I should laugh, or if I should go buy one of these tinfoil pans for myself — Lord knows I’m a messy gal.
Guys, I think this might actually be brilliant.
