It’s kind of scary how the funny tweets of the world have such a hold on us. Like… who gave these people the right to be so relatable ?
I guess it just goes to show that there are a lot of surprisingly universal experiences out there. We might all be going through different stuff, but we’re going through the same stuff, too. Apparently.
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Long story longest.
Any time somebody tells you a “short” story, it’s going to be really long. The scariest part about that, though, is the fact that those short stories are usually the short versions of much longer stories. Yeah… it gets worse.
What years of being in a relationship will do to you:
The funny thing is, this is basically some people’s love language. Weird, random, mundane stuff like this. I guess it’s better to chat about small stuff than to not talk to each other at all.
The dog is the head of the house, obviously.
Some people have rules for their dogs. Other people let their dogs sit on whatever furniture they want. Either way, it’s probably secretly up to the dog in any case.
At least when your pet does something strange, you can tell a joke or two.
I’m hoping that the dog ended up being fine, but that was a pretty solid pun at the very least. No word, not even a letter…
We should probably listen to children more often.
Sure, some of the things kids say are just really weird. But they have wisdom far beyond their years, too. I mean, has any adult thought about why they’re called speed bumps if they slow you down?
When you’re 27 and you have no prospects and you’re a burden on your parents:
Somehow, that’s even more relevant today than it was 200 years ago. Like any other person my age, I put all the blame on the economy.
Priorities are kind of tough.
It’s funny how so many of us feel like we don’t have enough time in a day, when really we’re just bingeing Gilmore Girls on Netflix for the hundredth time. Not that I’m speaking from experience or anything…
You’ll pay for it time off.
Taking a vacation is great. Coming back from a vacation to a pile of work a mile high is not so great. At that point, you’ll be catching up right to your next vacation.
Dogs have a lot of attitude for such small creatures.
I mean, on one hand I really respect dogs’ abilities to stick to a schedule. But it does kind of make you feel guilty when they go to bed long before you were planning to.
Getting ready for that Trader Joe’s meet cute.
I’m not gonna lie, that’s not the worst plan out there. I mean, there are probably better plans, but trying your hand at the Trader Joe’s dating pool is definitely better than nothing.
Try not to take it too personally.
I mean, have you ever had a kid randomly insult you or your line of work, or are you normal? Because kids are randomly, like, really savage. For no reason or anything.
It’s important your pet knows you only have one friend.
There isn’t a pet alive who isn’t someone’s special little pal, and that’s exactly the way it should be. They may not understand the words we say, but they probably still appreciate them.
Time for a midday nap, I’d say.
Man, imagine all the work we could get done if we weren’t so tired all the time. Society would flourish. World peace would be within reach. Maybe we’d even make more money.
Excuse me, we were in the middle of a conversation!
The most awkward thing in the world is when you’re in the middle of a thought and you accidentally say part of it out loud in front of other people. Like, they didn’t need to hear that!
I guess some marriages are just like that.
I’d really hope that if I’m ever married to someone for 40 years, I’d be happy. But I guess some people just don’t have the luxury.
Man, marriage sounds tough.
Hold me back, for my own safety and no one else’s.
As someone who’s never been in a fight, I can confidently say that this is very accurate. The last thing you need to see is your friend who can’t fight get completely destroyed.
Take the spider out, not “take the spider out.”
I both appreciate the double pun that’s happening here, and really connect with the idea that I would not be killing a spider (mostly because it grosses me out).
Live, laugh, love a little longer.
If only it were easy to live, laugh, love. But I fear even that’s getting difficult in this economy.
Man, that’s when you know society is in some type of way.
I would gladly take that dare any time.
You think daring me to go home is an insult? Maybe I didn’t want to be there in the first place. Especially if you’re playing something as lame as truth or dare.
I, too, must scream every morning.
Waking up at the crack of dawn? Not as great as it sounds (and it already doesn’t sound great). I don’t get how roosters do it, day in and day out…
