Ever been to a garage sale or thrift store and found that one really, really weird thing? You know, the one so creepy that you still remember it to this day and occasionally try to convince yourself it was a fever dream?
Yeah…this is a collection of those.
RELATED STORIES
I’m not sure what’s stranger: actually owning one of these things, or thinking that someone else might be willing to buy it off you.
1. Even this toy seems to be giving potential buyers the side-eye.
“Are you sure you want to buy me? I’m creepy AF, and years of neglect have not improved things…”
And it’s made from non-flammable plastic, so when it’s possessed and starts attacking people, it’s immune to fire. NOPE.
2. Fan of the Buckeyes over at Ohio State University? Then this hat still isn’t for you.
Who thought gluing a bunch of horse chestnuts to a hat was a good idea?
3. For just $2.99 you too can have a figurine of a pig performing mouth-to-mouth on another pig.
Or kissing. However you choose to interpret it. What gets me is that apparently these are common enough for multiple commenters to note that they’ve seen them before.
4. This is a very thorough voodoo doll.
It’ll give you everything from sagging boobs to carpal tunnel! I enjoy the fact that it’ll give both cataracts and the bifocals needed to help correct your vision problems. That’s oddly thoughtful for a voodoo doll.
5. Well, this is an awkward Father’s Day gift…
I don’t think that means what you think it means.
Father/daughter relationships can be wonderful things, but can we just be careful not to make it weird?
6. Well, the ads are guaranteed to be noticed…
Which is half the job, really, but at the same time, I don’t think I want a pair of scissors that’s been gripped between a person’s toes like that.
7. Not the most aerodymnamic of vehicles.
Can you imagine trying to pedal this uphill? I mean, a toilet is not lightweight. I suppose that would make it good for exercise, though.
8. Putting this on a fancy pedestal doesn’t make it less awful.
Look at that head in comparison to the feet! At least they could have gotten the proportions right. Or maybe it’s a baby Hobbit.
9. It’s a duck. I think.
To the poor aspiring artist who painted this: It’s okay to use reference photos. If you’re not sure what a duck looks like, you can use a picture.
If that’s not supposed to be a duck…I’m sorry.
10. Not to take this lightly, but it looks like a $1 notebook with candle wax dripped all over it.
The text is apparently Hebrew, but savvy commenters noticed that it’s poorly copied text from the Ars Goetia, written backwards by mistake.
11. Parents are weird.
In one moment, they’re railing against how a single swear word getting through the censors is going to ruin their child for life, and then in the next moment, they’re giving a kid THIS.
12. This looks like it belongs in a Wes Anderson movie.
At the same time, I can’t help but be completely squicked out by it. Why is the dead animal wearing a fur coat?! WHY?!
13. If you buy this doll, you’re guaranteed to be possessed by it.
It has those eyes that just follow you around the room. I cannot with this! Why are vintage baby dolls so creepy?!
14. This…this is so much worse…
“Hauntingly beautiful,” it says. Well at least they got the adjective right. If I discovered that a coworker had one of these in their office, I’d start looking for a new job.
15. Well, this is special.
The “I know what I have” is kind of ominous, isn’t it? Like, what secrets do you know that I don’t about a terrified taxidermy kitten angel?
Those are four words I never imagined stringing together…
16. They aren’t wrong, this would make an impression.
I’m just not sure it’s an impression one would want to make, regardless of how “quality” the gemstone included is. Who’s going to buy that? Honestly.
17. When the $2 price tag seems too good to be true.
This person did this for the lulz, right? I mean, if they really thought they could get away with this, they would have asked for way more money.
18. These handles don’t seem very ergonomic.
Which is kind of important for those using a walking stick everyday. Then again, maybe these are meant more for the person trying to appear high-class with their handmade Dallas Cowboys walking stick.
19. For the low, low price of just $22,000 you can own…this.
Rocking chair? Sled? Parade float? i have no idea what this item is actually supposed to be. Besides crazy, obvs.
20. Reddit user b33fman found what appears to be nipples on his bacon.
That seems pretty unlikely though, since the nubbins are on the wrong side of the cut. However, bacon does sometimes come with nipples attached.
It’s weird, but I’d just trim it off before cooking the rest.
21. I can’t even imagine what this music sounds like…
Like, I can’t even bring myself to make a “bow-chicka-wow-wow” joke, because whatever those expressions are, they aren’t…sexy.
They kind of look like they’re serial killers.
22. Is this supposed to be uplifting or terrifying?
Because I am 1000% on the terrified side. If you ever see a sign like this in a nurses’ station, run while you still can.
23. Oh look, a family of Weeping Angels. GAH.
“Don’t blink. Blink and you’re dead. Don’t turn your back. Don’t look away. And don’t blink. Good Luck.” At least we have the Doctor to thank for knowing how to survive them.
24. This is proof that even a perfectly normal item can become nightmare fuel.
Who thought it was a good idea to show those feet in this photo? And what is happening with the one toe?!
