Being a parent is a struggle. Everyone has opinions on how to do it right and no matter what you agree with, there’s never enough time to do everything.
Balancing work, kids, chores, and just plain living your life has been a point of contention among families forever and often, you can’t even really tell who is in the wrong.
One frustrated father turned to Reddit for a second opinion on a recent situation.
Reddit being what it is, it helpfully has a subreddit called “Am I The Asshole,” which is where he shared his conundrum .
If it isn’t obvious, the subreddit simply allows people to tell a story and see who the community thinks is in the wrong.
He begins with a bit of backstory.
His wife “won’t work” due to her feeling that dealing with kids and work is too much to handle. Due to this, the dad works long hours, sometimes needing two jobs to make ends meet.
He is also quick to acknowledge that being a stay-at-home mom is hard work all on its own.
Still, when working two jobs, Dad often worked 16+ hour days, six days a week and it frustrated him when his wife would get angry at him for not doing chores like cleaning or dishes. She also got on his case about spending more time with their kids.
Now working one full-time job, he’s got more time and does his best to help out.
I play with the kids, make my own dinner, and then usually do bedtime with the kids and lay in their room till they fall asleep. Then I get to anything I wanted to try and do at home that day and finally sit and watch a tv show or something in bed on the iPad (usually my wife is trying to go to sleep now so I massage her legs while I watch).
So now that he has the time, he seems to be helping out a lot.
But on the night in question, it was a weekend. Mom had been feeling sick, so Dad says that he took care of the kids all day. He took them to church and then played with them, as well as handling the dishes and doing some laundry. He was happy to give her a break to rest a bit.
That evening, while he was putting away the laundry, Mom was cuddling on the couch with their six-year-old and watching TV.
Suddenly, their three-year-old marched out of the room and announced that she was going to bed. Since that was unusual, he went to check on her.
She was sad because Mom was ignoring her and watching TV, even when the daughter told Mom she loved her. When he confronted his wife and said their daughter was upset, she just shrugged.
This “pissed him off,” and he told her that she shouldn’t shrug her shoulders like upsetting their little girl was no big deal.
We started to fight and she pulled the whole I play everyday with them (I don’t disagree with that. She does, but also she goes out weekly with her friends and I always make sure they give her space when I’m home.) I said that’s great but she doesn’t need to play the victim over it and recognize that the fact that a 3 year old felt the need to leave the room and be sad is a big deal.
So am I the asshole here?
It’s a tough call, isn’t it?
On one hand, being a full-time mom is hard work, especially when you’re sick, and mental exhaustion takes a big toll.
On the other hand, there’s probably a way Mom could have responded to their daughter besides outright ignoring and upsetting her.
Personally, I think this is likely a case of everyone handling the situation badly.
Mom should have acknowledged their daughter and perhaps asked her to join the cuddle with her sibling instead of playing. I also think that pulling the “I play all day with them” card on a day when Dad took charge wasn’t great.
But without her side of the story, we only have Dad’s word on how she acted. As for Reddit, they came down with what’s probably a good verdict: Everyone Sucks.
Sometimes, there’s no winner or loser. We’re just all assholes.
