Many parents have their own ways of dealing with children and parenting their kids when they want to discipline them. Some parents like to do things in a harsh and structured way, while other parents like to lead with gentle parenting.
There are many different ways to address kids in various situations when we want to take charge and do specific things—like, for example, leaving a place where we currently are, like the park. But the most important thing to know is: there isn’t a book with rules, and everyone is trying their best.
Many parents have a go-to parenting trick when they want to make an exit.
When parents are with their children and they are somewhere where they want to leave, like the park, there are many different ways they handle this. For some parents, their go-to strategy is to say that they are “leaving” and their child can come with them or not.
It’s an age-old mechanism even our grandparents used.
The whole “getting up and walking out” of the park situation is something that has been a parenting norm for years. We aren’t actually leaving out kids behind, but we are telling them that their time up in the park is done and it’s time to go—even if they don’t want to.
While it seems to be common, parenting experts are saying that there may be better ways to get what we want.
Deena, a childcare expert and therapist who shares advice and videos on TikTok, answered a parent who wrote in asking her a question about that exact strategy for when her child doesn’t want to leave the park. The parent who wrote in claims the technique works for her.
However, Deena said there are a few reasons why doing this is counterproductive and potentially damaging to kids.
Deena said that when we do this, we are putting our kids in a moment of crisis and panic. What usually comes next is our children screaming, crying, and running after us. While it does work and you do leave the park, there may be lasting impacts on the child.
Deena shared that this can lead to children developing abandonment issues as adults.
Deena says that this kind of mind frame in young children can lead to very serious abandonment issues down the road. She shared parents are telling their kids, “if you don’t comply with my orders and wishes, I will leave you.” Kids then fear that if they do not comply with people, they’ll be left alone.
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This can become problematic in relationships as we get older.
The more we seek out social and romantic relationships outside of our families in our lives, the more we will harness and harbor this very fear. Letting kids grow up to believe this leads to an adult who is fearful of being left by someone they love if they do not always “comply” and say yes.
Instead of using this “I’m leaving” trick, Deena suggests giving the kids “options” to leave.
Rather than say that you are leaving without them, Deena suggests that parents tell kids they are leaving, but that they have to choices: they can either walk out with you or be carried by you. But, either way, it’s effective enough that you are leaving the park.
Many on TikTok agreed and also shared their own tricks for substituting this “I’m leaving” analogy.
Mimi Zee shared that when her kids are at the park, she gives them a countdown to when they are going to leave. She reminds them that they only have 10, 5, 2 minutes until it’s actually time to go. This allows kids to have time to prepare to leave.
Another mom said she gives them a choice for the car.
Emma shared that focusing on things that are coming next is more important than focusing on leaving the park.
If you focus on leaving the park, you’re taking away something they love doing and are having fun with.
If you focus on what songs they can listen to in the car or what they can do at home, they’ll want to leave on their own.
Overall, try to find different ways to get your point across.
Deena shares and many agree, that threatening kids doesn’t always work. It can instill some fear and insecurity in kids. However, there are a ton of ways to work through this old-school technique and introduce new ways.
But Deena was sure not to shame anyone: this is something parents have been doing, still do, and many will continue to do! Sometimes you just NEED TO LEAVE THE PARK! We get it. Parenting is hard.