Caregiver’s Dilemma: MIL’s Dignity vs. Sanity

Imagine being the primary caregiver for your disabled mother-in-law, responsible for her every need, day and night. Sounds exhausting, right? Well, that’s exactly the situation one woman finds herself in. She’s doing her best to care for her MIL, but the constant nighttime bathroom trips are taking a serious toll on her health and sanity. Desperate for a solution, she suggests using a bedpan or incontinence pads, but her MIL refuses, claiming it takes away her dignity. Now, our caregiver is left feeling guilty, and their once-friendly relationship is strained. How can she find a balance between her MIL’s dignity and her own well-being? Let’s dive into the story and see if we can find some answers.

The MIL’s Move-In

The Caregiving Duties

The Nighttime Struggles

No Rest for the Weary

The Physical Toll

Seeking a Solution

Guilt and Dignity

The Bedpan Standoff

Relationship on the Rocks

Caught in a Caregiver’s Catch-22

This poor woman is stuck between a rock and a hard place. She’s trying her best to care for her disabled mother-in-law, but the constant nighttime bathroom trips are wreaking havoc on her health and sanity. Desperate for a solution, she suggests using a bedpan or incontinence pads, but her MIL refuses, claiming it takes away her dignity. Now, our caregiver is left feeling guilty, and their once-friendly relationship is strained. To make matters worse, her husband refuses to get involved. What’s a caregiver to do? Let’s see what people think about this tough situation…

Suggesting a night nurse and calling out the husband’s lack of help.

Spouse should help with their own mother’s care. NTA

NTA. Tell your husband to help or consider divorce.

User suggests hiring a nurse or assisted living apartment. NTA.

Spouse’s lack of involvement in MIL’s care is unacceptable. NTA.

Husband needs to step up and help with MIL’s care

Scheduling bathroom trips and seeking medical advice for MIL’s incontinence.

Nursing home may be best for MIL’s frequent needs

RN suggests Purewick for MIL’s incontinence, calls out husband’s neglect.

Husband’s lack of support for MIL’s care raises red flags

Offering alternatives for excessive bathroom trips, time for assisted living?

Setting boundaries for MIL’s dignity impacts quality of life. NTA.

NTA suggests husband should provide night time carer for MIL

Husband should step up to help MIL, commenter says NTA

Stand your ground, remind him it’s HIS mother. NTA

Supportive comment. Encourages OP to take a stand. NTA

Prioritize your health and seek alternative options for MIL’s care.

Caregiver burnout is real! Seek help and support. ❤️

Consider a nursing home for MIL’s care. NTA for prioritizing yourself.

Caring for a loved one is hard. NTA prioritizing sleep

Spouse refusing to help with MIL care, NTA suggests hiring help

NTA suggests affordable solutions for elderly MIL’s care.

Don’t sacrifice your own well-being for your husband’s mother.

NTA, caregiver needs to set boundaries, husband needs to step up

Take a break and let him experience his mother’s care. NTA

Encouraging comment suggests having a real conversation with MIL.

Spouse needs to step up and help with MIL’s care

UTI or dementia? Commenter suggests seeking medical advice for MIL.

Caretaker burnout concerns raised, suggestions for night nurse and care home.

Seek medical advice before considering a nursing home.

Spouse should step up, but NTA for considering professional care.

Medical professional defends use of hoists and advises husband to hire professional carer.

Teen caregiver deserves partner’s help. ‍

User suggests giving ultimatum to MIL about diapers or home

Expert advice recommends a care home for MIL’s needs. ‍ ⚕️

Former caregiver suggests practical solutions for MIL’s dignity.

Helpful advice on tools to aid elderly self-management.

Suggesting a serious conversation about future plans for MIL

Hiring a night caregiver might be a better option.

Self-care is important to be able to take care of others

Fragmented sleep due to MIL’s frequent bathroom visits is torture

Hiring a healthcare worker at night helped my FIL’s anxiety

Caregiver urges OP to hire help and take a break ☀️

NTA suggests MIL goes to rehab or nursing home

Suggests respite for caregiver’s husband to lift MIL, auto bed.

Spouse needs to step up, consider other living arrangements.

Assisted living may be best for MIL, NTA suggests ‍♀️

Stand your ground and demand help from your husband.

Prioritizing physical health, NTA suggests seeking medical attention for injuries.

Caregiver’s health is important too. Firmly encourage bedpan use.

Stand your ground and prioritize your own well-being. #NTA

Spouse won’t help care for MIL. NTA, but hire help?

NTA, MIL needs medical help. Have a serious talk with SO.

Nurse advises lifting equipment for MIL, calls out lazy husband. NTA ‍⚕️

NTA, but a qualified care assistant may be needed

Solutions suggested for caregiver’s MIL’s bathroom trips and husband’s sexism.

Great advice for caregivers to prioritize their own health first.

User suggests leaving sexist husband and MIL holding it in.

NTA. Helpful advice on low-cost options for MIL’s care.

Spouse should step up and help with MIL, NTA.

Caregiver criticized for not wanting to clean MIL’s urine every hour.

Encouraging NTA comment advocates for husband’s increased support for MIL.

Husband is an AH, mother needs medical assistance and equipment.

Caregiving is tough, NTA for prioritizing your own health

Professional help needed for MIL, NTA made the right call

NTA caregiver suggests medication for MIL’s overactive bladder and shares personal experience with senior care, while criticizing OP’s husband’s behavior and suggesting she take a break.

Diapers for MIL? Expensive but practical solution. NTA.

Practical advice for caregiver and calling out unreasonable behavior.

Husband’s immature behavior: NTA, not your circus, not your monkey ‍♀️

Purewick set up recommended for caregiver’s MIL’s dignity and sanity

Sarcastic reply suggests taking a vacation from MIL and husband.

Suggests seeking medical assistance and assisted living/home for MIL

Caring for MIL is taking a toll. Is it time for facility?

User suggests husband should take care of his own mother. ‍♀️

Caring for a loved one can be exhausting. NTA for seeking help.

NTA caregiver seeks advice on MIL’s medication and husband’s behavior.

Demanding help from husband in a humorous way.

Incontinence aids can help maintain dignity. NTA judgement added.