Playing host to the walking talking blood-filled meat sack that is a human body is a truly wild experience.
Though the everyday processes of our bodies are absolutely nothing to be ashamed about, it doesn’t make them any less convenient.
Our diets, environments, and lifestyle choices have a lot of influence on how our weird-as-heck people-suits operate—one wrong move, or meal, and we trigger internal volcanic eruptions.
Yep, I’m talkin’ bout farts.
Breaking the wind; cutting the cheese; putting on a lil pre-p**p parade.
Everyone farts—even the Queen of England (sorry Lizzie!). In fact, humans release those back door gases an average of fifteen times per day .
Whether you revel in the satisfaction of your own sultry scent, or you’d rather pretend that your body is a perfume factory, you can attest to the fact that there are certain situations in which it isn’t the most convenient for the people around you to be simmering in your silent-but-deadly situation.
Don’t worry—there’s a product for that.
The company Flat-D Innovations has created something called a Flatulence Deodorizer. ‘
It’s a charcoal-based pad that attaches to the outside of your underwear and filters your farts. The product description claims comfort, subtlety, and material safety.
The pad is designed to be thrown away after use.
Packages of the product are currently available on Amazon , and though anyone could find a benefit from them, Flat D Inc is marketing the pads towards people with health issues.
Those with digestive disorders such as IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Lactose Intolerance, Diabetes, spastic colon, Crohn’s, Colitis, Celiac, menstrual odors, diverticulitis, will regain confidence, end embarrassment, live life again, and enjoy freedom with this inconspicuous pad.
And the Amazon reviews are…well…something else.
“Makes it possible for me to continue sleeping in the same room with my husband,” one user writes. “They work extremely well, but you do have to situate directly up to the b*m. They don’t really work if you place between the cheeks and undies.”
It even helped one man dubbed “the notorious crop-duster.”
“I bought about 10 of these with my last paycheck (sorry, Fluffy, you’re eating newspaper scraps for the next week),” he wrote. “And my co-workers no longer complain about me and my crop dusting.”
You can pick up your own pack of Flatulence Deodorizers off Amazon for less than $40.
Keep your cheese-cutting to the kitchen if you get my drift.
h/t: Distractify
Last Updated on June 12, 2019 by Sydney Brooman
