What makes a man ?
Wait, scratch that. It’s a potentially fraught question , and we should all move on from antiquated concepts of ‘manly’ stuff and ‘womanly’ stuff.
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That said, traditional gender stereotypes still persist. Men are expected to do rugged things, go on riverboat gambling trips , and not do anything domestic. This r/AskReddit question about ‘unmanly’ things that are actually manly both pushes back at gender stereotypes while subtly reinforcing them, but it still provides us with some interesting grist for the mill.
Eating healthy food.
“Being vegan/vegetarian or at least eating plenty of vegetables as well as animal produce instead of just stuffing your face with meat all the time. A man should take care of his health on all fronts, not just the protein intake.”
Dancing.
“My cousin used to get bullied in school because he was a dancer. The joke was on them though because he was constantly outnumbered 10:1 by the ladies, just how he liked it.”
“My son danced for 7-8 years. He stopped when covid hit and has no gotten back, sadly.
But the boy was ripped! It also helped him greatly in other sports like soccer, as he was flexible.”
Doing ‘girly’ things with your kids.
“My uncle at first hated the idea of doing a tea party with his daughter. My aunt explained it would be a few minutes and then she would move on so just to try it to make her happy. He did and more often than not we would find him sitting at the little table in the little chair with a paper tiara on his head and cup in his hand, pinkie sticking out and my little cousin would be gone doing something else while he conversed with a bear. He loved a tea party more than she did in the end and it was so hilarious to us after he made such a fuss.”
Having good manners.
“Being a gentleman: polite, courteous, respectful, tactful, manners, some style, some sophistication, educated (you don’t need your masters from an Ivy league, but just being well read is enough sometimes), friendly.
Far too many guys I see think it’s still cool to be rude, lazy, unkempt, and stupid.”
Wearing pink.
When I was a kid I was once at a clothing store and I saw a pink men’s shirt. I said out loud ‘what kind of men wear pink shirts???’ and my mom said ‘secure men.’ For some reason that always stuck with me.”
– u/xavPa
Buying feminine products for a partner.
“I have no shame buying tampons or pads when I do the grocery shopping, which is always. Men that get all embarrassed or won’t do it are the ‘unmanly’ ones.”
“I’ve got my wife’s tampon size and brand memorized. Doesn’t bother me at all to buy those.”
Drinking certain cocktails.
“The whole concept of manly and girly drinks is stupid. There are different tastes. Sweet, fruity, bitter etc. and a bartender is there to make you a drink you like. What good is a drink if you don’t like it, you paid for it after all.”
Apologizing.
“When anyone with eyes can see your earlier statement was misinformed, it seems way manlier to own up and take control of a situation by just saying ‘You were right, I was wrong. I stand corrected. In light of that, here’s what we should do now.’ Tying to deny, defend, deflect, or justify from a reactive place just makes you come across as insecure and not on-the-ball, which are not traditionally considered ‘manly’ qualities.”
Crying.
“Is it weakness to show emotion? To show love and grief? To express pain and sorrow? To show a level of security and comfort with oneself where you can openly cry when you feel the need?
I lost my best friend at 19. We were inseparable. I realized too late I loved him. I was late to express how much he meant to me. I will never let that happen again. Life is too short to miss those chances and I am making sure everyone I love knows it. I saw another friend this weekend and made sure to hug him and tell him I love him. I hug and kiss my kids every day. My wife every day.”
Hugging your friends.
“I’m single and my family is on the other side of the country. A good hug from one of my guy friends means more than they know. And I’m super awkward so I’m not usually the one to initiate a hug. But a good hug from someone close is just nearly the best thing.”
Taking care of your skin.
“I hate how some of the guys I work with and serve with (I’m in the army) give me [grief] for using products for my face and skin. But they also wonder why I get told I look like I’m 25 even though I’m almost 36. Because I take care of my body.”
Keeping things clean.
“My girlfriend was amazed at how clean my bedroom is when she came over the first time. She still occasionally tells me I’m the cleanest man she’s ever known.”
“I live with roommates and I don’t understand how they can keep the place they eat and sleep in dirty.”
Cooking.
“I heard cooking for your family labeled as unmanly due to men wearing an apron around a gas stove, by the same people who grill for their family while wearing an apron around a gas grill.”
“I’ve always found this funny. Personally I think that sharp knives, fire, and metal are pretty damn manly, no matter what combination you use them in.”
Declining an invitation to fight.
“When I was a teenager two of my friends started arguing with one another and it got pretty heated. Suddenly, one of them grabbed the other and shouted ‘DO YOU WANT A FIGHT?’ And the other replied loudly but totally sincerely, ‘NO!’ And the first skipped a single beat and then just yelled in a sort of relieved tone ‘WELL, THEN, WE WON’T HAVE ONE!’ and let him go and walked away.”
Sewing.
“I taught my ex-gf how to use a sewing machine. I pride myself on knowing how to do most everything. Baking and sewing are just as important life skills as automotive maintenance and repair. Why gender them?”
“My brother was a parachute rigger in the Army. He could make damn near anything with thread and Paracord.”
Gardening.
“Wake up at 4:30 to spend 6 hours non stop kneeling under the sun while torturing your back and shoulders to carve the ground and cut branches and roots. Then you’ll talk to me about manlyness! My rhododendron was wonderful and I’ll die on that hill, be it manly or not!”
Wearing sunscreen.
“One of the older guys I golf with said that only [wimps] wear sunscreen. He shut up when I asked him how many melanomas he’s had removed (it’s twelve, by the way).”
“Nothing looks dumber than a guy who’s so afraid to seem ‘girly’ that he gets turned into a lobster.”
Parenting.
“My best friends and brother all just had firstborn daughters, and it’s incredibly endearing to see how much time they put into raising their children, directly. Play, teaching, and make-believe, I love it! I’m a gay dude, so I don’t get to share in this joy naturally (not saying I can’t but the entire process is quite a steep hill), but I appreciate seeing them not take the time and opportunity for granted. I’m so proud of them all.”
Not being controlling.
“My friends were amazed at how I ‘allowed’ some drunk guy talk to my girlfriend for like 10 minutes at a festival. Bro, why would I care, she didn’t seem distressed and enjoyed the conversation and I’m not insecure. She’d tell me/let me know if she was uncomfortable and needed help. I don’t feel threatened, I have nothing to prove and my girlfriend is not some possession I need to protect from other men.”
Whatever you want to pursue.
“My grandfather was the manliest man I know. 6’3” Marine and a farmer. He could cook, bake, sew, garden, and sing. He taught me that a manly man does what he finds necessary or even just interesting regardless of what others may deem manly.”
