Integrating into a new family can be really tough. While blended families are on the rise, that doesn’t make it any less awkward when a new parent enters a situation, especially when the previous parent passed away. This was the scenario one woman found herself in when she met her now-fiance, who had a son from his previous marriage with a woman who died of cancer.
Their wedding is now approaching, and the son wants to honor his mom in a way that’s making the bride-to-be very uncomfortable , so she’s turned to Reddit for advice.
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She begins the post by explaining the familial situation.
She then says about her stepson, who’s 17 years old, “I’d like to think that my stepson and I have a good relationship. however he is the most sensitive and emotional kid I’ve ever met. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing…..but it does make it difficult for me to deal with him sometimes.”
She then reveals what he had planned for the wedding.
“He said he has already prepared a PowerPoint project in honor of his mom and is planning on playing or displaying it at the wedding. This was an instant no from me for many reasons. My fiance said we should let him because he just wants to remember and honor his mom. I told him that this occassion, the wedding has nothing to do with my stepson’s mom so I’m not sure why put a whole Powerpoint project there at the wedding about her.”
She points out that the guests would be confused, but her fiance is having none of it.
He says they have to respect his son’s wishes and that he’ll cover the cost of the screen, but she still didn’t feel comfortable and “refused to even consider it.” She offered alternatives, like having photos of her or even setting a seat in her honor, but her stepson wanted the presentation and nothing else.
“Thing shave been pretty tense now,” she writes.
“My stepson isn’t talking to me, my fiance just keeps trying to guilt me into saying yes and it’s all just making me feel overwhelmed. […] my fiance commented saying my refusal is an indication that I have an issue with my stepson’s mo
m and that am being unfair to him since he spent so much time and effort to prepare this project that obviously…means a lot to him.”
She then handed it over to the readers to see what they thought.
And many believed she was right. As the top comment writes, “You have the right to make the day be about your current love with your fiance, not to feel like you’re living in his deceased wife’s shadow.”
However, people don’t think the kid is at fault either. The same user said, “I don’t think the kid is an asshole, I think the wedding is making his grief come back to the surface […].”
Others provided an alternative perspective.
One user said that, were they a guest at this wedding, they’d be extremely uncomfortable, and even might think poorly of the son and the husband for trying to seemingly ‘show up’ the bride.
Many reassured the author that it is her wedding, and she doesn’t need to bow to this request as she’s being perfectly reasonable about it.
One user made a pretty hefty suggestion.
“He can play it at his own wedding where it would be appropriate. It’s not appropriate at yours. The fact that neither of them is able to see that tells me they are not done grieving and this wedding is premature. Postpone.”
We’ve received no update from the author, so we can’t know how it went down.
However, it’s nice knowing that she had tons of support telling her exactly what she needed to hear. Her wedding deserves to be her day as much as it is her husband’s, and nothing should compromise that lest it leave a bad taste in her mouth for the years to come.
