Trust is everything in a relationship. Once that’s broken, it’s extremely difficult to get it back.
So it was extremely upsetting for one wife who discovered that her husband ran a background check on her before they got married .
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This is some You -level stuff! She even learned disturbing things she didn’t know about her friends and family.
Keep reading to see how she reacted.
This woman brought her dilemma to the (AITA) community on Reddit.
She began by saying that she and her husband have been married for three years.
She only just recently found out that he ran a background check on her and her family before they got married.
She discovered this disturbing secret when they were on vacation with his family.
She had been using her laptop since she left hers at home when she came across a folder with her name on it.
“The folder was full of reports on me, my family (including extended family) and two of my childhood friends.”
She read as much of the reports as she could before her husband and his family came home for the day.
This discovery put her in a whirlwind of emotions.
“At first, I was just hurt he would do something like this without talking to me first.”
“But as I read more and started finding out things about my family and friends that I never even knew, I started to get angry,” she continued.
“It’s hard to put it into words but I felt like I had gone cold all over but also like it wasn’t me reading these things.”
So when her husband came home, she exploded on him in front of his family.
“At first, he tried to say it wasn’t a big deal and his cousin chimed in to say it was normal and he wasn’t the only one who had done it in their family.”
When he saw how upset she was, he tried to talk to her privately.
But she didn’t want to go anywhere with him, so she told him she was leaving.
“My husband told me to stay and he would sleep somewhere else.” In the end, she spent a night in a hotel alone.
“We both flew home shortly after that cutting the vacation short,” she wrote.
Because of her reaction, she’s wondering if she took things too far and if she’s the one wrong here.
But Reddit swiftly let her know that wasn’t the case. “Its creepy just creepy behaviour,” one commented.
Another said that the husband’s infraction is still having the information.
“I think the worst part is that either the idiot didn’t even think on deleting that information OR he’s keeping the information for some reason,” they wrote.
“It’s been three years, presumably he made that research before marrying… because if he made it more recently, that’s even worse somehow.”
Some believe he’s keeping it as blackmail.
Another stated the obvious: that this crosses pretty much every boundary.
“NTA blatant disrespect and breach of any boundaries it would be one thing is you were aware and agreed for yourself but your family and friends ??!” they wrote, adding that this is a massive red flag.
And since the cousin thinks this behavior is normal, the wife is being advised to run for the hills.
This Redditor pointed out that some light research is normal in dating.
How many of us have internet stalked a date before the meeting or taken a look at their mother’s FB profile?
Overall, the husband is in the wrong mainly for how extensive this search seemed to be.
“I don’t think it’s super unusual to do a background check on someone, but the fact that it’s your family, extended family, and friends leads me to believe that this is some YOU-level stalky BS., and I’d freak out too.”
H/T: Reddit
