When we’re going through issues , regardless of the type or origin, it’s human nature to want to talk to our loved ones about them. Venting to friends is a very valid form of expression and can help a heavy situation feel a little lighter.
When one woman spoke to her parents about financial troubles she and her husband were facing, said husband was not pleased, claiming she ’emasculated’ him in front of them.
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Financial issues are never an easy thing to navigate.
They can cause a lot of stress, and when it’s a couple involved, it can be tough to come up with a solution that keeps both parties happy.
When one married couple were faced with rent they could no longer afford, the wife spoke to her parents to discuss solutions, an action her husband was not happy about.
This story was detailed in a post to the AmITheAsshole subreddit.
It begins with the wife outlining her and her husband’s relationship. They’ve been married for five years, and her husband was working as a nurse until he decided he wanted to become a doctor, a decision she happily supported. He’s currently in his first year of medical school, during which he cannot work. This makes the wife the sole income-earner in their household.
They currently rent their place, and received a devastating notice.
Their rent is being raised by $500.
“This was honestly the last straw as it pushed us past where we were financially comfortable,” she wrote, “so I raised the idea of us buying a home.”
She even brought up the idea to her mother, who’s a real estate agent, and she agreed that their money would be better off going towards mortgage payments than rent.
Her husband immediately hated this idea.
They had a previous agreement that they’d only buy a home when they were finished paying off his student loans.
“I told him that was for nursing and that he was in school for 6 years, which was hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of debt and some doctors don’t pay off their debt for 20+ years.”
She tried to convince him further.
“I told him […] that it was the best financial decision for us but also relieved the financial burden for me. I brought up the savings we had for our deposit and how we could afford something small and modest within budget, but he told me it was in our interest to use that money to pay off his loans. […] He said it was temporary and eventually he’d make more than me so it would be even […].”
She conceded, not wanting to fight more.
Later, her mother called back to see if they were going to be house hunting. She told her everything that’d happened and how they were going to focus on the husband’s debt first.
Days later, both her parents came to visit. During this visit, they presented an extremely generous gift, saying they’d be willing to pay the down-deposit on a home for the two of them.
The wife was elated! The husband, not so much.
“My husband exploded on me, claiming I emasculated him and made him look bad in front of my parents. I told him I never asked for this but we should take it as it was a privilege most people don’t get and would relieve so much financial burden on me. He refuses to talk to me or my parents until we [apologize] for shaming/emasculating him but I refused [to]. I [apologized] but told him I wouldn’t make my parents as they’d done nothing wrong.”
She wanted to know if she was in the wrong here.
And the comments were happy to tell her she wasn’t.
“[…] your husband is straight-up RIDICULOUS. […] The kind of emasculation he’s describing doesn’t actually exist — it’s a byproduct of toxic masculinity and it’s [expletive] nonsense,” wrote one user, expressing the anger shared by many readers of this post.
One comment in particular laid it all out perfectly.
“I would take the offer, but take it after your divorce is finalized, so the house can be in your name only. Your parents offered you an amazing gift and he’s throwing [it] back in your and their faces, because he has to have the finances a certain way. He is being controlling, toxic, and really selfish.
“Do not, under any circumstances, use your money to pay off his loans.”
What do you think of their situation? Let us know in the comments!
