Unsplash | Jonathan Borba

Messy Delivery Stories I Can't Stop Reading

The birth of a baby is nothing short of miraculous — at least, that's what they tell you. Sure, a baby might be miraculous, but birthing one is violent, painful, and messy.

If you've never given birth (or are just about to), these stories are worth the read. Fair warning: some of these delivery stories are downright shocking.

Sometimes, you just have to play through the pain.

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"My mum squeezed my dad’s hand so hard when giving birth that she broke his finger. The nurses offered to help my dad but he toughed it out and politely declined." - Reddit u/Katiegan

I think you might have forgotten something.

Unsplash | Dragos Gontariu

In a since-deleted post, a Reddit user and hospital worker recalled a flustered husband running into the ER, screaming that his wife needed help. When the staff enquired as to where she was, the husband realized that he'd forgotten her at home!

Your timing couldn't have been any worse.

"Husband was sitting in the corner playing candy crush on his wife’s phone whilst she was in labour, up popped a text message saying “does he know that it might not be his?”. Shouting ensued and he walked out and left the unit with her crying." - Reddit u/mzyos

Just like clockwork.

Unsplash | Juli Kosolapova

When Redditor Frankfusion was told a story of a man who once brought in his pregnant wife and his pregnant girlfriend — at the same time.

I'd love to hear the logistics on that one.

The understatement of the century.

"My placenta wouldn’t deliver so my dr[sic] told me “this may hurt a little” (epidural was turned off). My husband said my dr went in almost to his elbow. I only remember the look of horror on my husbands[sic] face." - Reddit u/madowlie

On second thought, I think I'd rather not.

Unsplash | Martha Dominguez de Gouveia

Halfway through Reddit user Purplehairpurplecar's birth, his mom decided that she'd had enough. She told the doctors and her husband that she was done, and attempted to get out of bed.

Mom claims she has no recollection of this whatsoever.

All the training in the world won't prepare you for what you're about to see.

"I was a surgical tech for many years and would be called to help out during c-sections. Saw many dads/significant others almost pass out for one reason or another. First dad that did go down? Navy SEAL." - Reddit u/Pksnc

Tell us how you really feel.

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Reddit user recycledpaper was working as a nurse in the delivery room and asked the husband if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. He responded that he did, but not while his witch of a mother-in-law was still in the room.

Know you're role and shut your mouth.

"When my mom was in labour[sic] with me, my dad apparently kept telling her to keep it down, she was being too loud and embarrassing him. She made him sit in the waiting room and had my grandmother with her when she had my little sister." - Reddit u/DoctorJones222

"A man came to see his wife after she delivered a daughter. He brought a weapon to kill them both because he wanted a son." - Reddit u/dorkter269

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Thankfully, the security guard was able to overpower the deranged man without anyone being hurt as a result. Both mother and daughter left the hospital unharmed.

Expect the unexpected.

"I once delivered twins, the first black and the second white with blond hair, both parents were black. I couldn't think of a good way to warn the mother except to say, "that's unusual hair" before I showed her." - Reddit u/mightymightygreenslo

"I just gave birth to my second 5 weeks ago and my memories of [expletive] myself during labor are still fresh." - Reddit u/corvus159

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You read that correctly, and as unpleasant as this sounds — it's an incredibly common occurrence.

Yet another aspect of the miracle of birth that people seldom discuss.

It almost felt as if I was possessed...

"During a somewhat difficult delivery the family members in the room switched from yelling and crying in English during labor to flailing their arms and screaming in highly practiced gibberish something akin to speaking in tongues when the baby was delivered." - Reddit u/indylux

Not exactly the kind of support you were hoping for.

Unsplash | Phillip Goldsberry

When Redditor Uzidoesit357 was due to give birth, she hadn't seen the baby's father in more than seven months. He burst into the delivery room wearing a giant foam "We're #1" finger on his hand.

It's the eye of the tiger, it's the thrill of the fight.

"I know my mom punched a nurse and my dad when she was giving birth to me, they had to restrain her. No wonder I turned out the way I did." - Reddit u/Red-Rover-Red-Rover

h/t: Reddit