Everyone notices red flags about other people. Sometimes, we see it right away when we meet someone, other times it takes a while for us to notice them.
But, how many of us notice the red flags we have, ourselves? Sometimes, it can be hard to see our own flaws and qualities we need to work on. So, we get help from others. Oftentimes, we realize we need to work on them.
"I expect too much of people, superimposing my often 'black and white' standards and morals on them, then being disappointed when they don't meet them. It makes me very judgmental and it's very difficult to overcome. But I'm seeing progress," -u/ludibriousreader
Reddit user YoYoMoMa said that after going to therapy, they realized that the reason they had let in so many negative people and abusers is due to their low self-esteem. But, now they are working on it in therapy to correct their self-consciousness.
"I tend to get very short-tempered when I'm tired or stressed, which is most of the time lately.
I also get kinda obsessive about tidying and cleaning up, and get annoyed when my bf doesn't keep up with my uncommunicated frustrations," u/DazedStarer.
"I'm cold. Like when I was a toddler I was left alone alot in the house by myself. I never ask for anything so I don't like when people ask me for anything, which is absurd cause that is what a big part of having a relationship is about," -u/NruticatKxiss.
Reddit user yalanyalang says that they can come off "condescending" and too preachy about certain things that they have strong opinions on. But, they are working at apologizing when this happens and trying to let other people talk more and hold the conversation.
"I’m defensive and I shut down easily.
Was under constant scrutiny from parents growing up and never had an outlet to talk it out and in most cases, anything other than perfect was unacceptable.
Everyday is a work in progress. I just try to be understanding that not everything is an attack on me," -u/lozzsome.
Reddit user inkwater says that growing up in an emotionally abusive home has impacted them in a way that they are really bad at asking for help when they truly need it.
"It's really hard to overcome things when your support system is actually perpetuating your problems."
"I am very in tune with others' emotions/needs. Because of that I get really hurt when no one is in tune with mine. Like, I feel like I give and give and give and no one wants to give back to me. So my red flag is that I should stop giving so much because it isn't giving just for giving," -u/souponastick.
Reddit user bonsaithot said that they have been in tons of relationships where they tried to help others and get them to change, and then get upset and hurt when they never do. Sometimes, we have to accept people are who they are.
"I used to get upset and wouldn’t talk about it. My man had to pull teeth to get me to talk. I realized what I was doing was harmful to our relationship so I corrected the behavior. Now, when I’m upset, I grab his hand and share my grievances," -u/anon120.
Reddit user Sage__Fox said that a red flag about them is that they get "really envious" of others who seem to have it all together when they feel they struggle a lot. It also leads to a very "unattractive" attitude.
Reddit user diamondsdontshatter said that they oftentimes can come off rude without even realizing it. It's not intentional, but their "usual tone" can seem harsh to some people. They just feel that they're not everyone's cup of tea.
"I have a tendency to be a bit of a bully if I get the sense that someone will 'allow' themselves to be bullied.
The is especially true for people who are supposed to be authority figures. I don't really do it to loved ones, more like teachers, bosses, security-type people, etc. It's a power-trip for me," -u/TurbulentArea69.
Reddit user glitterpile12 added that they are extremely codependent. They had to "earn" their parents' love, so they feel like they also have to earn someone else's love, too.
A partner, friend, or whoever. Knowing about it doesn't make it any easier to combat it.
"I was a spoiled brat that never really thought about other people's feelings. Everything was about me, and I definitely had a bit of a victim complex as well. I was sick a lot growing up and was therefore coddled and sheltered, and learned to deal with difficult situations by telling myself that it wasn't my fault," -u/astoriali.
